Miami parties, has parade — can we ban complaining?

06/23/2013 12:01 AM

06/23/2013 12:59 AM

A Monday in June will be blessed with a Heat championship parade for a second consecutive year, an occasion of utter joyful celebration and great civic pride and — because this is Miami — plenty of griping and whining as well.

You might recall that a year ago, there were complaints the parade was too short, too brief, and that it was too hot out. This year, we might expect all of that plus flummoxed outrage over the city’s backpack ban or the arena ceremony being restricted to season-ticket holders.

Hmm. I’m not sure what says “spoiled fans” more: leaving an NBA Finals Game 6 thriller early and missing the big finish in overtime or nitpicking a championship parade.

Don’t sweat the small stuff, people. Relax and party like the Heat did after winning Game 7 on Thursday. They reportedly ran up a $100,000 liquor bill at Story in South Beach, including 100 bottles of Dom Perignon champagne, a bar tab picked up by the nightclub.

Make like a Heat player Monday and bring a $5,000, three-liter bottle of Jeroboam champagne to the parade. Just don’t try to put it in a backpack!

Monday’s parade will be the crescendo of a scintillating championship run by LeBron James and company. And then? What’s next? What can possibly replace this adrenaline rush the Heat has given us?

Well, um, the Marlins are back home Tuesday playing the Twins.

Sort of like falling off a cliff, isn’t it?

• The city of Miami is banning backpacks from being carried by fans attending Monday’s Heat parade after the Boston Marathon bombings. Good. Backpacks were intended for kids at school. Nobody older than 20 should ride a skateboard or carry a backpack.

Linda Holubec, the estranged mother of the Heat’s Chris “Birdman” Andersen, gave an interview revealing that she too is covered with many tattoos: #toomuchinformation.

• Its hearing with Miami over, the NCAA will now spend several weeks deliberating further punishment against UM in the Nevin Shapiro case. An unnamed source said sanctions would be minor. However, another unnamed source said the first unnamed source was “full of [bleep].”
• The Marlins’ Giancarlo Stanton became only the ninth player to reach 100 home runs in his first 400 career games. The question isn’t whether he’ll reach 200, but, sadly, whose uniform he’ll be wearing then.

Jonathan Huberdeau became the Panthers’ first NHL Rookie of the Year. A franchise that last won a playoff series in 1996 takes the good news where it can.

•  Justin Rose won last week’s U.S. Open as poor Phil Mickelson faltered to his record sixth runner-up finish in a major he has never won. It’s so sad when Mickelson fans at a U.S. Open hold up giant foam hands making a peace sign and chant “We’re No. 2!” as he’s trying to putt.
• The NBA Draft is Thursday, and three Miami-tied players — ex-Cane Shane Larkin and the sons of former Heat stars Tim Hardaway and Glen Rice — all could be first-round picks. Then again, since the Heat has no pick, it’s like the draft isn’t even happening.
• The Panthers have the No. 2 overall pick in the NHL Draft next Sunday. Any of three or four players could be the Florida pick, according to ESPN draft analyst Pierre Kiper Jr.
• Wimbledon starts Monday. That means tournament officials have only one day left to figure out how to discreetly cheat so that Brit Andy Murray wins the men’s title.
• That reminds me. Serena Williams apologized after saying the victim in a Steubenville, Ohio, rape case “put herself in that position.” Quick reminder to athletes: Folks, in general, you aren’t that smart, so please confine your shared wisdom to the realm of your sport.
• ESPN’s NFL “future power ranking” projecting clubs’ positioning for the 2016 season has the Patriots fifth overall and the Dolphins only 20th. On a brighter note, Miami presently has no tight ends targeted in a murder investigation.
•  Jay-Z is now a certified NBA player agent. Anybody else find it strange that a hugely successful music mogul would do that? It’s like finding out Dale Earnhardt Jr. moonlights as a used car salesman.
• FIU men’s basketball will be ineligible for the next postseason because of academic failings under former coach Isiah Thomas. His teams also had awful records. That’s the double-double of trouble!
• In college football news, Penn State gave coach Bill O’Brien a $1 million raise for not doing anything to cause the university mortifying shame or embarrassment.
• The U.S. track championships have been going on in Des Moines, Iowa. Don’t you get it, track and field? We only care about you during the Olympics. And only track then. Never field.
• A strong indication the nation’s museums finally have run out of significant artifacts: The Smithsonian announced it will house Tony Hawk’s first skateboard.
•  Chad Johnson served seven days in county jail on a probation violation. I’d have doubled the sentence for wasting the court’s time with that legal name change to “Ochocinco.”
•  Parting thought: Miguel Olivo was a 34-year-old, seldom-used, third-string catcher batting .203. The surprise wasn’t that he walked out on the Marlins. The surprise was that anyone noticed.

Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com and follow on Twitter @gregcote, on Instagram/upsetbird and on Vine/Greg Cote.

About Greg Cote

Greg Cote

@gregcote

Greg Cote has been a Miami Herald sports columnist since 1995 and also writes the Random Evidence blog and NFL predictions along with his notorious sidekick the Upset Bird. He has covered Hurricanes football (1984-88), the Dolphins (1990-91) and major events including Super Bowls, NBA Finals, World Series, Stanley Cup, Olympics and World Cup.

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