What South Florida sports fans are talking about:
1.Heat makes coaching change: Pat Riley stepped down as coach and named longtime assistant Erik Spoelstra his replacement. And this time, Riles means it. He is retired for good, or until he changes his mind when the team starts winning again coinciding with Spoelstra deciding to resign to spend more time with his family. Even though he's single.2.Dolphins' postdraft minicamp: Miami's rookies worked three days on the practice field this weekend. The first-year pros spent most of their time learning fundamentals, going over basic plays and being really intimidated by a lurking Bill Parcells.3.Kentucky Derby: Big Brown was a 3-1 favorite Saturday and won despite the far-outside 20th post position. Which answered bettors who had been asking, ``What can Big Brown do for me?''4.Marlins swept by Dodgers: But Florida still was hanging close to first place in NL East after ending its three-game losing streak on a pair of Dan Uggla homers. Is that what they mean by Winning Uggla?5.Hawks force Game 7 in Boston: Heavy-underdog Atlanta forced a dramatic Game 7 against the mighty Celtics on Sunday in the last opening-round NBA playoff series not decided. Boston could have clinched Friday night, but Kevin Garnett's shot at the buzzer was blocked by a ratings-minded ABC executive.-- GREG COTE
The Kentucky Derby is known for mint juleps and fancy hats and a history of heartwarming stories such as the Sackatoga Six, those blue-collar buddies who hit it big with Funny Cide, or the charming tale of Smarty Jones.
Saturday's winner in the 134th running of the Derby, Big Brown, might have followed in that feel-good tradition, except I looked up ''slime bucket'' in the dictionary and saw a picture of Big Brown's trainer, Rick Dutrow.
This clown has been fined or suspended by racing commissions in six states. He has been popped repeatedly for smoking marijuana since the early 1980s. His horses have had doping issues involving illegal substances every year since 2000.
And yet, like acid reflux, he keeps coming back to a sport evidently as forgiving as any miscreant would require.
Roger Clemens picked the wrong sport, that is all. In thoroughbred racing, he wouldn't be under oath or in trouble. He would be toasting his sport's blind eye with a mint julep.
• Quick quiz. What is The Run for the Roses? Is it (A) the nickname for the Kentucky Derby? Or (B) what I do every year when discovering in a panic that I almost forgot my wife's birthday again?
• The Heat has its own version of that in the upcoming NBA Draft called The Run for the Rose (as in point guard Derrick).
• The Dolphins conclude their first minicamp on Sunday. Participants in the minicamp have included Minnie Driver, Minnie Minoso, Minnie the Moocher, Minnie Mouse, Minnie Pearl, Minnie Riperton and Mini Me driving a Mini Cooper.
• Well, this is awkward. Jason Taylor was caught on video in a flatulent moment during a rehearsal for Dancing With The Stars. Seriously. And you thought the Dolphins' sack record was the only thing he was breaking.
• Have you seen the Dolphins' new marketing campaign? It revolves around the phrase ''Unlock the Code.'' If anyone manages to unlock the mystery to what the hell that is supposed to mean, enlighten me.
• The Marlins supposedly spend $10 million a year on advertising and marketing, the most in the majors. My question: Couldn't they spend a fraction of that and still be last in attendance?
• In the Stanley Cup playoffs, Detroit became the first team to advance to the conference finals by ending a sweep of Colorado with an 8-2 rout. Suggested headline, ``Avalanche buries Avalanche.''
• Heat star Dwyane Wade and his wife have separated, but Wade publicly denied rumors of an affair with Star Jones, saying they were just ''friends.'' I tend to believe Dwyane, because in making a list of unlikely paramours, I might put right at the top a 46-year-old woman who used to weigh 300 pounds.
• The captain of a minor-league hockey team in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., was arrested for running nude down a city street. Does it go without saying he also was charged with public drunkenness?
• I'm not implying that Panthers general manager Jacques Martin will hire someone he can control to replace him as coach. It might be a coincidence he was seen shopping for marionette strings.
• A gun belonging to the Colts' Marvin Harrison reportedly has been linked to a shooting in North Philadelphia. Which makes it official. Every wide receiver in the NFL has now been in trouble.
• On Monday, millions of people will celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Meanwhile, a thoroughly ignored Quatro de Mayo sits morosely on the calendar today, sulking and saying, ``What am I, chopped liver?''
• Officials of college football's Bowl Championship Series met in South Florida to consider a limited playoff system, but decided instead to keep the status quo until at least 2014. Because the BCS is successful and popular as is!
• Former Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino delivered the commencement address to 6,000 graduates at his alma mater, Pittsburgh. He urged the students to improve their footwork and develop a quick release.
• The U.S. women's field hockey team won a spot in the Beijing Olympics, which proved extremely exciting to fans of women's field hockey. Both of them.
• Let's play Who Had A Worse Week. Was it Clemens with the revelation he had an affair with a 15-year-old country singer? Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo, for his involvement with cross-dressing prostitutes? Or former gold-medal sprinter Tim Montgomery, who was charged with trying to sell more than 100 grams of heroin?
• The Miami Corporate Run drew some 20,000 participants. I tell you those people in offices will use any excuse to leave work early, won't they?
• It is the 20th anniversary of Bull Durham. And also the 20th anniversary of Kevin Costner's last good movie.
• The Super Bowl champion Giants were honored at the White House by President Bush. Now the Giants, they can declare ''Mission accomplished'' and actually be telling the truth.
• There is a new movie about Japanese baseball called The Zen of Bobby V, starring former big-league manager Bobby Valentine. Analysts said it is final proof the film industry has officially run out of good ideas.
• Man bites dog! Tyler Hansbrough returns for his senior year at North Carolina! That made them sad in the NBA, sadder at Duke.
• A San Francisco company has bought video-game rights to Major League Eating. I can tolerate the sex and violence in video games nowadays. But I draw the line at projectile vomiting.
• Parting thought: Presidential hopeful Barack Obama played basketball while campaigning in North Carolina. Cannot confirm he had a really good shot but that it was blocked by The Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
Catch Greg Cote's Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com.
