Damn you, Matt Ryan. Why can't you be just a little bit better? Why can't you be a shade closer to NFL-flawless? Why can't you be an undisputed franchise quarterback of Peyton-esque stature -- a consensus overall No. 1 pick to make all of the mock drafts curtsy and swoon? Here is the problem for Miami as the April 26 draft thunders in:
The Dolphins, who continue to clearly need the rescue of a great quarterback more than anything, keep picking really bad years to be really bad.
In the 2005 draft, the club had the No. 2 pick, its highest since the expansion year of 1966. Trouble was, Alex Smith went first (though he has since proved unworthy of the designation), and after that, no other quarterback was regarded better than Aaron Rodgers going 24th.
Miami was left to settle for a pretty good running back in Ronnie Brown, a nice-enough get, but hardly the sort of earth-quaking, difference-making dream pick you wish for with a choice so high.
The aching cavity at quarterback that was not filled then remains now as Miami parlays its 1-15 season by being first on the draft clock for the first time since Nancy Sinatra sang These Boots Are Made For Walkin' and Flipper leaped in a tank in the Orange Bowl's east end zone.
If only Ryan was a guy you flipped over. A guy you'd be insane to not take No. 1, instead of a guy who could fall to third (Falcons), to fifth (Chiefs) or perhaps even to eighth (Ravens) without the Mel Kiper Jrs. of the world being felled by coronaries or floating conspiracy theories.
The Dolphins should be the envy of the draftosphere right now. Instead, every executive in the NFL is glad he isn't Bill Parcells because in a draft in which the top six or seven guys are judged pretty even, the only thing picking first gets you is the honor of paying many millions of dollars more than the team probably getting somebody just as good two or three spots lower.
It is why Parcells' preference to trade down has been met by other teams' deaf ears. Or more likely by braying laughter.
CRAZY THOUGHT
The situation has even given some rise to the lunatic notion that Miami might actually purposely let its time expire and in effect swap selections with the second-picking Rams for the lack of clear conviction on whom to draft first, and because that would save Miami millions.
Such a thing will not happen, of course, if only because the defeatist notion would make the Dolphins an even bigger laughingstock in April as they were September through December. But the discussion of it, the mere infinitesimal possibility, reminds us what an unfortunate year it is (relatively speaking) to be picking No. 1.
Every Dolfan/draftnik knows by now that the team probably will settle on Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long at No. 1, with Virginia defensive end Chris Long next most likely.
I say ''settle'' because it is plainly and unequivocally unlucky and unfortunate that a team picking No. 1 overall whose greatest need is quarterback cannot confidently fill that cavity once and at last with a franchise-maker.
In Jake Long, you get a left-side blocker who could be a perennial Pro Bowl player for the next decade. But Richmond Webb was that, spending more time in Hawaii in the '90s than Don Ho, and it didn't move Miami much closer to championship contention.
In Chris Long, you get a guy who could disrupt opposing pockets for a decade. But Jason Taylor has been that (still is, last we heard), and it hasn't closed the gap between ''Miami'' and ``Super Bowl.''
Parcells' draft strategy isn't so much to select the Best Available Long as it is to agree on a contract before the draft -- one that saves money, if possible. Thus you get the feeling the pick could end up being Ohio State defensive end Vernon Gholston or even LSU defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey if either comes cheaper than either Long.
OPTIONS
No matter whom it picks, Miami will get a guy it might have been able to get a bit lower (and cheaper), and still be without its long-sought Next Marino, pending the unexpected lofty ascension of second-year man John Beck.
Team Tuna evidently believes Beck shows more long-term promise than the player showed in a fair glimpse last season. Or, more likely, that Beck's deficiency relative to Matt Ryan is not so great as to justify taking a quarterback No. 1 with so many other needs pressing.
That's too bad for Miami.
Not that Parcells would feel that way.
That Ryan isn't so guaranteed spectacular as to demand he feel otherwise.
