What South Florida sports fans are talking about:
1.Marlins early leaders in NL East: ''The first-place Marlins.'' Savor how that looks in print and say it aloud a few times. Better yet, take a photo of the standings. This might not last, so later you will want proof.2.Dolphins' draft subterfuge: Bill Parcells is negotiating with the agent for Michigan tackle Jake Long, though it doesn't assure he will be drafted first in 13 days. Let's make it easy for Bill. Dear NFL Teams: The Dolphins plan to use the overall No. 1 pick on the very player you most covet. So call Bill today -- while there's still time! -- and offer a great deal to trade up for that pick.3.Panthers make coaching change: Jacques Martin is out as coach after three seasons of continued playoff drought, but was offered the chance to remain as general manager, meaning he would be in charge of hiring his replacement and presumably introducing the change as a positive step for the club. Raise your hand if you are as confused as I am.4.Riley mum on coaching future: With the season down to its final three games, Pat Riley is being inscrutable about his future as Heat coach, dropping hints and subtle implications that he might not return while putting off a firm decision. Sort of like each of the past five or six years, in other words.5.The Masters at Augusta: Tiger Woods was well off the lead after the first two rounds of the season's first golf major, but PGA Tour officials decided after contentious debate to continue the tournament anyway.-- GREG COTE
The Olympic torch passed through San Francisco in its lone North American stop, but only after the route was switched to avoid protesters and, alas, also those wishing to cheer. Here's a money-saving idea: From now on, keep the torch relay so clandestine that nobody actually sees the stealth torch, allowing organizers to not actually have a torch run but say they did.
Quick question. Shouldn't the people protesting a torch be carrying pitchforks?
The torch was guarded along the secret route by a group of big, menacing guys who seemed as if they were ready to beat the [bleep] out of you for no reason. But enough about the Club Mansion bouncers.
Controversy surrounds the torch because the Beijing Games are being hosted by human-rights violator China, which braces for protests by pro-democracy factions from Myanmar, angry Tibetans and those outraged by atrocities in Darfur. Cannot confirm the IOC will award medals this summer for the first time in the newly sanctioned sport of Demonstrating.
• That reminds me. Tibet's spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, has arrived in the United States. From all of us here at Random Evidence: ``Hello Dalai!''
• Dolphins fullback Reagan Mauia was arrested for allegedly punching a guy outside a Weston bar. Mauia appeared in a famous YouTube video running through a brick wall. It is not known whether alcohol was involved in either episode.
• Congrats again to Heat coach Pat Riley for being selected to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. Inductees also will include Dick Vitale, meaning no other honoree will get a word in edgewise.
• UM rewarded men's basketball coach Frank Haith with a five-year contract, meaning Haith will be leading the Hurricanes for many years, or until there is an opening at Texas or another bigger program.
• Dancing With The Stars update: The Dolphins' Jason Taylor nailed the Vienna waltz and now seems to be among the favorites, with former Olympic skater Kristi Yamaguchi considered his biggest competition. Cannot confirm Taylor received a note from Tonya Harding offering to take care of the situation.
• Kansas is still celebrating its NCAA Tournament triumph of six days ago, while Memphis still can't believe it blew that big, late lead. As for appropriate jewelry, if Jayhawks players each get a ring, shouldn't every Tigers player get a choker? (Hey I'm just asking!)
• KU rewarded championship coach Bill Self with a pay raise to keep him, after deciding this was not the time to be Self-less. (By the way, when Bill jots down a reminder of something he has to do, does he write, ``Note to Self''?)
• The Stanley Cup playoffs have begun, and NHL players are following a tradition by not shaving. I don't wanna say hockey's playoffs seem to go on forever, but the guys who at long last finally raise the Stanley Cup will look like ZZ Top.
• The Yankees and Red Sox were to renew their rivalry with five games in seven days entering the weekend. Lot of hype for a couple of .500 teams, huh?
• That reminds me. Bucky Dent was inducted into the Miami Dade College Hall of fame. Cannot confirm the ceremony was picketed by Red Sox fans.
• By the way, there is renewed hope for lasting peace on Earth, a renewed faith that anything -- absolutely anything, no matter the odds -- is possible. After all, didn't they cheer Bill Buckner on his return to Fenway Park?
• Badenhop. Surname of Marlins pitcher? Or what every infielder fears?
• Cleveland defensive back Kenny Wright was arrested on a marijuana possession charge after losing a footrace to police. Cannot confirm Wright has been demoted and replaced in the Browns' starting lineup by the cop who caught him.
• I just looked up ''maddening indecision'' in the dictionary and saw a picture of Brett Favre announcing he is happy with retirement but would come back if the Packers had injuries and called him.
• A reason to like Major League Soccer: The league's minimum salary is $33,000. These are the only pro athletes who might be jealous of what the fans make.
• Miami's Sylvia Fowles, after a stellar basketball career at LSU, was drafted No. 2 overall by the WNBA, where she will, despite being 6-6, pretty much disappear. Geez, it has been nice seeing you, Sylvia.
• Miami is holding the world championships for Star-class sailboats. How do you follow that competition if you are a fan? Run along the beach with a pair of binoculars?
• Miami FC has begun its third season in the United Soccer League, according to rumors.
• UM baseball was ranked No. 1 in the nation for the first time since 2004, but then lost to FAU, leaving the Canes to fathom which was the greater ignominy: Losing the top ranking? Or losing to a team nicknamed Owls?
• As NASCAR debates drug testing, one of its drivers, Aaron Fike, admits he has used heroin on race days. Because, you know, merely driving 180 mph in traffic isn't dangerous enough.
• A fund-raiser for the Florida Heart Research Institute includes cocktails at the Indian Creek home of Don Shula. What they don't tell you is, after the cocktails, you run gassers and wind sprints.
• A team with better than a .600 winning percentage will miss the playoffs in the NBA's Western Conference, while one or perhaps two teams below .500 will make it from the Eastern Conference. I propose we hold a conference to remedy that.
• Parting thought: Quick golf question with The Masters going on at Augusta: Do you know why they call it ''Amen Corner''? Because that is where ratings-minded TV executives gather to pray that Tiger Woods will win.
