OK, I have been away from college football for a couple months. Let me make sure I have got this straight.

The best team in Texas plays in the Mountain West Conference?

Correct.

The best team in California isn't USC?

Like, totally far out, right?

The best team out West is Boise State?

That's WAC!

The best team in Ohio plays in a 35,000-seat stadium?

Tough ticket up Cincy way.

The best team in the ACC runs the triple-option?

The ACC, what a Ramblin' Wreck.

The best team in the Big 12 North is Kansas State?

Well, ``best'' is a relative term in Big 12 North country.

The best team in Michigan is . . . ?

They don't play football in Michigan anymore.

The best team in Illinois doesn't even play Division I-A football?

Go Southern Illinois Salukis!

And the best team in Pennsylvania is coached by Dave Wannstedt?

The 'Stache is back!

All right, stop right there. So, you're telling me that two former Dolphins coaches (Alabama's Nick Saban is the other) are currently ranked in the top 10 of college football?

Fear the former Fins.

So, what happened to Notre Dame?

It never got Urban Meyer.

Will it ever?

Never say never.

Speaking of Florida. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this just seems too farfetched. Florida leads the Southeastern Conference in rushing?

And its leading rusher is a quarterback.

And Florida's quarterback, Tim Tebow, has been sacked 23 times this season, but there's a quarterback in the Sunshine State who has been sacked even more?

Yep, Miami's Jacory Harris has hit the deck 27 times.

And what about the guy up in Tallahassee, Christian Ponder?

Banged up. Out for the year.

And what about the guy over in Tampa, Matt Grothe?

Dunzo.

And what about the kid in Boca, Rusty Smith?

Gone.

They still have offensive lines in the Sunshine State, right?

Presumably, but they're about as worthless as the BCS.

Right, the BCS. So, Texas Christian is the best team in Texas but the Horned Frogs probably won't get a chance to play for a national championship?

Just ain't right, is it?

And undefeated Cincinnati is the best team in Ohio but the Bearcats are going to get shut out, too?

Crying shame?

And the flawless boys of Boise State?

Not a chance.

OK, so let me make sure I've got this perfectly clear. Six undefeated teams are ranked atop the BCS standings with only three weeks to play and this season is being written off as a dud?

The BCS kind of takes the fun out of things that way.

I guess the BCS system is still a joke, then?

Who's laughing?

Yeah, touchy subject.

And where are you going this weekend?

Driving to Orlando for the Classic.

Ah, Florida A&M vs. Bethune-Cookman. The Wildcats and the Rattlers. Good times.

The best halftime show in college football.

Well, at least some things never change.