We begin with an opening and a closing, a Ceremonial Opening (Friday’s first Dolphins preseason game) and a Closing Ceremony (Sunday’s in London ending the Summer Olympics).
impressed in an otherwise deflating 20-7 Dolphins loss here to Tampa Bay. The only people left who don’t think Tannehill should start the season areMatt Moore
immediate family. (And I hear even some ofthem
would not comment on Garrard’s injury, calling it a private matter. Dear Joe: Your neighbor seeing a proctologist is a private matter. Your starting quarterback being injured on the eve of the season is sort of a public matter.
Dolphins ownerStephen Ross
said, “I think we have a great team here.” Breathalyzer, please.
The Summer Olympics’ British music-themed Closing Ceremony reportedly will feature performances by the likes of the Rolling Stones, Elton John, The Who and Paul McCartney. Because what says “this is London today” more than music by a bunch of guys who either were popular in the ’60s or ’70s or are in their 60s or 70s.
Host Great Britain finished third in gold medals, and it was hard to say which triumph warmed hearts and stirred national pride more, Andy Murray winning in men’s tennis, or that unexpected 100-meter dash victory by Queen Elizabeth II.
Happy to be back in the Random Evidence seat after a week off but distressed to report that Cote d’Ivoire — the official national team of this column — failed to win a single Olympic medal and should be disbanded. I don’t mean the national team. I mean the country.
• U.S. judokaNick Delpopolo
was sent home from London after a failed drug test he blamed on inadvertently eating food with marijuana baked into it. The bad news? His lifelong dreams, crushed. The good news? Tasty brownies!
shared the lead entering the weekend in the 94th PGA Championship in South Carolina. Past 16 majors have been won by 16 different golfers. PGA now stands for “Pick a Golfer. Anyone.”
Dolphins defensive lineman Jared Odrick said on the debut episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks that he does not use deodorant, effectively ending all speculation about that position switch to Right Guard.
• Seattle signed Terrell Owens after Seahawks coaches were concerned the team lacked distractions.
• A fight involving 20 players interrupted a Jets practice. Calm was restored as a levitatingTim Tebow
smote the brawlers with a lightning bolt.
• That reminds me. Isn’t it about time forRex Ryan’s
annual ill-fated Jets Super Bowl guarantee?
• Answer: Three Southern Methodist football players filed a police report to say they were robbed by a prostitute. Question: Is it true some crimes are better not reported?
• Marlins Park announced it would host international soccer in 2013. I’d have much preferred it if they had hosted winning baseball in 2012.
recent 26-game hitting streak andGiancarlo Stanton’s
return from injury gave Marlins fans something to watch, but, I’m sorry, your season is officially a bust when the biggest drama in August is whether you’ll avoid finishing in last place.
• The Facebook pages of several MLB teams including Miami’s were briefly hacked, with the Marlins purportedly giving away free pit bulls. Could have been worse. The Yankees page momentarily reportedDerek Jeter
would undergo “sex reassignment surgery.” (I have no punchline that could top that.)
• And in other news, the Marlins placedLogan Morrison
on the disabled list with a strained Twitter.
• The Red Sox’s Wally the Green Monster mascot costume briefly disappeared before being recovered. Thank God. I imagined Wally found dead in the Bronx.
• Parental Advisory: Dennis Rodman is writing a children’s book.
• Sid Rosenberg returns to the airwaves Monday with Palm Beach station WMEN-640. Industry analysts say this is big news in Sid Rosenberg’s house.
• The NHL seems at serious risk of a canceled season because of labor strife. Dear hockey: Most of America barely likes you as is. Don’t press your luck.
• That reminds me. A Nashville radio guy is suing the Predators because he was slightly injured in a “human hockey puck” stunt. The bright side? He was the game-winning goal.
• A South Korean won the U.S. Women’s Open in golf. Or, did that go without saying? A South Korean winning an LPGA tournament is like a Kenyan winning a marathon.
• The X Games happened in Los Angeles. This is where ESPN keeps trying to convince us that adults in their 30s skateboarding isn’t the least bit pathetic.
• UCLA has given a football scholarship to the son of rapper Snoop Dogg after earlier signing the son of Sean “Diddy” Combs. The school is now a betting favorite to lead the Pac-12 in postgame parties.
• Women’s Professional Soccer (WPS) folded after three seasons. League officials blamed their failed attempts to cloneHope Solo
and have her simultaneously play every position on every team.
• Hunters in northern Florida are using helicopters to locate and kill wild pigs. Sounds less like hunting than warfare. What’s next, drones tracking quail? Deer targeted by smart bombs?
has filed for bankruptcy. Question: You know how sometimes it seems that somebody’s life can’t possibly get any sadder, but then it does?