Can we take this for six more games, Heat fans? Can we take this emotional buffeting over two turbulent weeks?
I feel like Miami’s home arena during these NBA Finals should have an adjunct pharmacy, pill kiosks dispensing temporary respite from what this series is giving us.
Hearts pounded then ached as Game 1 slipped away in the last seconds Thursday night. Now minds race and stomachs roil as we anticipate a Game 2 on Sunday that the Heat simply cannot afford to lose.
Dramamine, please, for motion sickness as we take a thrill ride that will soar majestically then violently dip. (And what better medicine for this unfolding series than one that starts with “Drama”?) Nitroglycerin handy, perhaps, should the anxiety begin to feel like the chest is constricting. Abilify, too, maybe, just in case the wave of depression felt after Game 1 compounds itself with another loss.
It would help if Heat fans were all as robotically placid as the Spurs’ Tim Duncan — the Beige Sweater-Vest of NBA stars — but unfortunately Miami fans occasionally show actual emotion. Especially when rare and unexpected losses visit.
Then again, instead of medication, Heat fans surely would prefer the natural cure that comes with 35 points from LeBron James, maybe 25 from Dwyane Wade, some maniacal defense and perhaps a few more three-pointers falling.
Just to play it safe, can we get Justin Bieber to show up again and sit courtside Sunday? And wear his dark glasses and bling like a peach-fuzz gangsta again?
I think Miami fans having a chance to boo Bieber brings the Heat luck.
And if not, the cherished opportunity to mock his self-absorption at least feels good — the bright side of even the worst night.
Just got a police scanner and finding it very interesting. For instance, I just heard Miami police issue an urgent all-points-bulletin for Shane Battier’s missing three-point shot.• LeBron is on the cover of the new NBA 2K14 video game. Cannot confirm the Spurs’ Kawhi Leonard is harassing him after following him onto the cover.
• Dennis Rodman said this week LeBron would be “just an average player” if he’d played in the late 1980s or early ’90s. So it’s true what they say. An accumulation of drugs, tattoo ink and hair dye really can make you stupid.
• Answer: Mavericks owner Mark Cuban
• The Miami Hurricanes’ long-awaited NCAA hearing in the Nevin Shapiro saga is set to happen late this week in Indianapolis. The Heat just broke the city’s heart by eliminating its Pacers. Let’s hope Indy doesn’t have payback in mind.
• The Marlins made North Carolina third baseman Colin Moran the sixth overall pick of this week’s MLB amateur draft. One wonders if the kid’s family was pleased or might have preferred he be drafted by a professional organization.
• MLB is pursuing suspensions of Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Braun and some 18 others over performance-enhancing drugs related to Biogenesis, the now-closed Coral Gables “clinic.” Shame, Shame, Shame — it isn’t just a 1974 disco hit by Shirley & Company.
• Boston reached the Stanley Cup Finals and Chicago was trying to get in late Saturday night. Nathan Horton plays for the Bruins and Dale Tallon used to be general manager of the Blackhawks, and that’s about as close as you get to the playoffs right now, Panthers fans.
• The last of the season’s Triple Crown races, the Belmont Stakes, ran Saturday on an expected muddy track in New York. The prohibitive favorite going off at 6-5 odds: Miguel Cabrera.
• UM baseball’s ouster from the NCAA regional in Louisville, Ky., ended a disappointing season. Luckily, the Marlins were around to make it seem better by comparison.
• The Denver Nuggets fired NBA Coach of the Year George Karl. Hey, wait. When did Jeffrey Loria buy the Nuggets!?
• I don’t wanna say the Marlins have no power, but that Home Run Sculpture that activates only when a Marlin homers is now covered with cobwebs and rust and is home to squatters.
• Sentences I Never Thought I’d Write (one in a series): Nick Saban is selling his $11 million house at auction. Amenities include a three-story lighthouse.
• Jeff Ireland said he think the Dolphins have “closed the gap” on the Patriots in the AFC East. Ireland is the only NFL GM to publicly express optimism in June, not counting every other GM who ever lived.
• Spain and Haiti met in a soccer friendly at Dolphins stadium Saturday. A “friendly” means the result doesn’t matter, and that the only thing about the game that counts is the money paid to watch it.
• Parting thought: Red Wings prospect Riley Sheahan was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving while dressed in a purple Teletubbies costume. Life’s lesson: How not to be dressed when claiming sobriety.
Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com and follow on Twitter @gregcote, on Instagram/upsetbird and on Vine/Greg Cote.