Any impartial observer who has watched and heard this Heat-Bulls playoff series would have to agree that the behavior of the underdogs suggests that Chicago’s famous nickname should be tweaked just a tad.
Used to be the Windy City.
Make it the Whiny City.
I mean, c’mon, Chicago. This is Bull. We can all appreciate the frustration, trying to beat the champion Heat with your best player, Derrick Rose, sitting in a suit, stuck halfway between cautious and scared, declining to play even though he has been medically cleared to do so. (I’d call him a wimp, but that might be mean.) Luol Deng and Kirk Hinrich also are out injured. It almost doesn’t seem fair, “almost” being the key word there.
“If I had a heart, I’d feel sorry for them,” as Chris Bosh rightly put it.
Trouble is, instead of playing the hand dealt them with a measure of class or grace, the Bulls have been an embarrassment with a thuggery that has included three player ejections and too many technical fouls to count over the past two games. Nazr Mohammed’s flagrant shove of LeBron James on Friday night was as blatant a dirty play as you’ll see.
Meantime, Joakim Noah continues to lead the league in complaining and making his lemon-bite face. You know those TV ads with “almost as annoying as ”? They should make a new one with the punch line, “Almost as annoying as Joakim Noah’s samurai hair bun.”
Now Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau chimes in. He accuses James of a “flop” on that hard push by Mohammed. He also all but implied the NBA and its referees are scheming to have Miami win by saying after Friday’s loss, “We’re not going to get calls, that’s reality.”
Chicago: The Whiny City.
Bulls, in the now-immortal words of Pat Riley, “Shut the [bleep] up!”
• That reminds me. Kobe Bryant and his mother are feuding in court over her right to sell his memorabilia. Not sure who’s less likable here. Someone who seems to be doing a rotten thing, or Kobe on general principle.
• South Florida is given little chance but has bid to host Super Bowl 50 with a proposal that includes celebrity football games played on an aircraft carrier docked in Biscayne Bay. The Dolphins kept saying their unrenovated stadium would never be awarded another SB. Sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• Hey here’s an idea. Dolphins arrange for that aircraft carrier to “accidentally” destroy an empty Dolphins stadium with a missile strike so the government will be forced to build team a brand new stadium.
• The Dolphins signed longtime Falcons tackle Tyson Clabo. They think he’s good, but evidently not so good that they offered more than a one-year deal.
• The horse part-owned by Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino, Goldencents, finished 17th of 19 in the Kentucky Derby and immediately declared for the NBA Draft.
• This is true: Dwyane Wade’s girlfriend, Gabrielle Union, was among nominees for Maxim’s 2013 “Hot 100” list of sexiest women, but failed to make it in the reader vote. But Manti Teo’s imaginary girlfriend finished 69th.
• The NBA playoffs seem quick only when compared to the ponderous, seemingly never-ending NHL postseason. Good Lord, Stanley.
• Vijay Singh is suing the PGA Tour for investigating him for using deer antler spray. Case got stranger. A class-action of deer are now suing Singh for being linked to a golfer who never wins anymore.
Young tennis star Sloane Stephens blasted supposed mentor Serena Williams as a “fraud.” I don’t think Serena is a fraud. She makes no attempt to hide that she’s a diva.• Andy Roddick and Venus Williams have become part-owners of World Team Tennis, surprising analysts who had forgotten it still existed.
• Unemployed quarterback Tim Tebow was named the most influential athlete of 2013 in a new poll. I can only guess the question was worded, “Who was most influential in causing turmoil for the New York Jets?”
• Meantime, Jaguars fans are petitioning President Barack Obama to force the team to sign Tebow. OK, it’s official. Filling out an NCAA presidential bracket is no longer the biggest waste of Obama’s time.
• The Bills’ Mario Williams is suing his ex-fiancée to recover the 10-carat diamond ring he gave her. Dude, your contract includes $50 million guaranteed. Take your jilting like a man.
• It’s been an embarrassing week of blown calls by MLB umpires. Need a slight nickname tweak for the umps, from “Blue” to “Blew.”
• ESPN The Magazine celebrates its own 15th anniversary in the current issue, the latest in a long line of evidence that the “SP” surely stands for Self-Promotion.
And in international soccer, Barcelona did not play Saturday. Lionel Messi was held to two goals.• A USA Grand Prix diving meet happened in Fort Lauderdale. Olympic divers, don’t take it personally, but you have our attention for two weeks once every four years, and barely then. Don’t push it.
• The PGA Tour’s Players Championship wraps Sunday near Jacksonville. It calls itself the “fifth major.” “Isn’t that cute!?” scoff the real majors condescendingly.
• Parting thought: ESPN projects the football Hurricanes will win the Atlantic Coast Conference Coastal Division with a 9-3 record this season. UM returns 19 starters in September. Unfortunately, the NCAA returns one big verdict in June.
Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com and follow on Twitter @gregcote.