Clearly I have seen too many Super Bowl commercials. Last night, I sat bolt upright out of a nightmare, screaming. I dreamed I saw Betty White sidesaddle on a Clydesdale breastfeeding the E*Trade baby.
Also had a strange dream about the halftime show. Beyoncé was singing, except she wasn’t really singing. No, no, I don’t mean she was lip-synching. She was conveying all the songs in sign language.
It got stranger.
I dreamed the 49ers’ starting quarterback was an adopted kid with tattooed biceps who owned a 115-pound tortoise named Sammy. Weird.
I dreamed the Ravens’ biggest star caused the most-Googled phrase of Super Bowl Week to be “deer antler velvet extract.” Insane.
Then I dreamed the CBS broadcast team included a former player who’d just been outed for an affair that created a child out of wedlock. Impossible!
I don’t know about you, but I think I’m just about ready for Super Bowl Sunday to be over.
P.S., Ray Lewis has changed his mind about retiring, and the Harbaughs aren’t really related.President Obama Manti Te’o’s