On behalf of the city of Miami and South Florida at large I would like to personally welcome to town a special, honored guest, Mr. Timothy Richard Tebow, former Gator, famous virgin, devout Christian, inventor of Tebowing, future politician and innocent tormentor of Mark Sanchez.
I’d also like to announce that Tebow has now become the NFL’s all-time career leader in APPA: Attention Per Pass Attempt.
(Man, they keep stats on everything now, don’t they?)
Tebow currently plays, or rather doesn’t play much, for the Jets. Entering the third game of the season Sunday, he has thrown zero passes and had six carries, much to the consternation of an infatuated New York media eager to fan the dying flame of Tebowmania.
A year ago, Tebowmania was a bona fide phenomenon, organic, justified. He led six fourth-quarter comebacks for Denver.
Now Tebowmania has become a fraud or at least a fading memory. And yet there he is on the cover of GQ’s football preview issue. There he is with his own dedicated page on NFL.com. There he is in the current Vogue, shirtless and pushing a giant 6-foot tire.
It isn’t so much that Tebowmania has expired as that coach Rex Ryan and henchman Tony Sparano have conspired, apparently, to kill it. Men have been tried for lesser crimes.
Jets fans and Dolfans, can we join together as one in a massive “We Want Tebow!” chant?
On Sunday, surely it would be the Lord’s will.
After Blue Jay Yunel Escobar was suspended for an antigay slur, Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen called it a cultural thing and said he jokingly calls his sons that word all the time: “For us it’s like, ‘What’s up?’” Ever notice that Ozzie Being Ozzie isn’t nearly as charming when you’re in last place?