I am not one for sweeping generalities, but it has been brought to my attention that everyone is cheating. Aren’t you cheating? I’m cheating. In fact, I have reason to believe the entire column that follows has been blatantly plagiarized.
A’s pitcher Bartolo Colon cheats, suspended 50 games this week for a positive test — can we say MLB performed a Colonoscopy? — a week after Giants MVP candidate Melky Cabrera also was suspended.
As football begins, we know the New Orleans Saints cheat, in a manner of speaking, with the Bountygate scandal that got their coach suspended for the year.
Various tabloid-y reports indicate former Dolphin Chad Johnson cheated, in a marital sense, with affairs allegedly including one with a stripper with a cosmetically enhanced derriere named Amber Priddy. (In Chad’s defense, he is nowhere near Tiger Woods’ former league in the infidelity standings.)
Just Friday, I read a BBC report on how some Paralympians cheat by artificially enhancing their performance with a practice called “boosting.” (So, yes, even the guy in the wheelchair is cheating.)
There also is a current news report that seven women in a fishing tournament in South Padre Island, Texas, were found to have cheated by putting on the weight-scale fish they didn’t catch.
But here is my favorite:
The 2012 National Scrabble Championship going on in Orlando was beset by scandal when a competitor was caught palming blank tiles and ejected.
C’mon, people. Shoot steroids, smuggle in fish, do what you believe you must. But have some pride, a little common decency. Prove to the world that, yes, some things still are sacred.
Please. Draw the line at palming blank tiles!
Only Giancarlo Stanton — on a recent home run tear including a 494-foot shot — makes the Marlins still worth watching. I don’t wanna say Stanton has ridiculous power, but the other day in the batting cage I saw him drop a bunt into the gap in left-center.Serena Williams Pete Sampras LeBron James The Franchise
NASCAR, nearing its Chase for the Cup playoffs, announced a deal with Fox Deportes to carry races in Spanish next year. Currently, NASCAR is broadcast in only two languages: English and Redneck.Parting thought: