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Can we honor the fallen of both sides?

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On Sunday, The Miami Herald's ombudsman, Edward Schumacher-Matos, wrote about me. His thoughtful column gave due consideration to my personal story and the spy charges levied against me -- not by the U.S. government but by a small clique on the blogosphere. What saddens me is that the column had to be written.

Spying involves an unfathomable degree of psychological duplicity. When I supported the revolution, I spoke my mind. Since the late 1980s, I've been an outspoken opponent. All that I have ever said and written about Cuba has also come from the heart.

I left the island on Oct. 26, 1960. I'd just started the sixth grade at Havana's el Sagrado Corazón, where my mother and grandmother had gone before me. By early December, I was attending Little Flower parochial school in Coral Gables. I so much wanted my real life back.

Longing for Cuba has been a constant in my life. As I grew into adolescence in Pittsburgh, a terrible sadness would often overwhelm me when I realized we wouldn't be going back. Inevitably, the pain receded, if not the sense of irreparable loss.

I'm glad I graduated high school in Pittsburgh. I got to know Middle America first-hand.Well before I understood the full gamut of its ignominy, segregation shocked me. True, my shock stemmed from the realization that Tata -- the Jamaican woman who had cared for me in Cuba -- couldn't have sat next to me on a bus in many parts of the United States. Thus, the civil-rights movement and, later, the Vietnam War defined my political coming of age.

While in college, I wrote my first paper critical of the U.S. embargo on Cuba. Of all that I have done thus far in my life, I most cherish Cuban National Reconciliation, a report issued by the Task Force on Memory, Truth and Justice, which grappled with the question of what a democratic Cuba should do about past human-rights abuses. We don't know yet how Cuba might embrace a democratic transition. We do know a basic truth: Democracies are nourished by an ethics of means and universal rights, while dictatorships impose absolute ends that justify any and all means.

On April 17, 1961, Cubans of good will fought and died for what they considered just causes: a nationalist social revolution or a democratic redemption. The same applies to the civil war that raged in Cuba in the early 1960s, a struggle not nearly as well known or studied as the Bay of Pigs invasion.

Cuba must be made whole again. In 1963, Marcelina Chacón said: ``Two of my sons died fighting for Cuba's freedom: one with one idea, the other with another.'' She and her husband, José Tartabull, put photos of their boys in a common frame, draped it with the Cuban flag and hung it at the entrance of their home in the Escambray Mountains.

Unless we think -- and feel -- outside the box, we won't untangle the knotted threads that have long polarized us. There are no straight lines to a democratic Cuba. To get there, we will need a different kind of courage, one rooted in the unbending conviction that the ends simply do not justify the means. We should ask ourselves: What would the regime do? And then find another path, never losing sight of a Cuba that has room for all of us.

Our politics lacks a healthy, hefty and far-reaching political center, which is where dialogue happens, people listen and compromises are reached. Polarization is perversely easy: Hard choices don't have to be made. Barricades -- physical or ideological -- are reassuring. But if we want a democratic Cuba, we have to leave the comfort of the extremes and leap toward the center.

Did I always think this way? Of course not, but that's where I am today. Maybe if I'd gone from one extreme to the other I wouldn't be the target that I am. Then again, I slowly changed my mind and followed my conscience without making any sort of opportunistic calculus.

I don't know whether Cuba will ever do what Marcelina and José did, honor the fallen on both sides. That, however, is my lodestar.

Marifeli Pérez-Stable is a professor at Florida International University and Senior Non-Resident Fellow at the Inter-American Dialogue in Washington.

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