Daughter enjoys her visit to mom
Posted on Sun, Jul. 13, 2008
BY CLAIRE MITCHEL
Why was this teenager sitting by my table all week? We in the independent living community are too old to have a daughter so young. She intrigued everyone in my group, so I found a way to satisfy my curiosity -- and in the process came up with an interesting Third Third story.
Wendy Clary's looks are deceiving. She looks like a kid but confesses to be 49 years old with two daughters, ages 24 and 29. Wendy's here from Albuquerque, N.M., visiting her mother, Nettie Wasserberger, a permanent resident in our adult community.
Wendy's taking three weeks' vacation from her job running a Montessori school in New Mexico, where she lives with her husband. Her daughters are away at college. Our setting is Wendy's choice for a retreat where she's comfortable in her mom's apartment, knows the other residents and likes being in this environment.
When she's back home, she worries about how her mom is doing. Wendy's daily wardrobe includes a dual time watch that gives her the hour in the Mountain Time Zone and the Eastern Time Zone in one glance.
NICE VACATION
Wendy says her husband doesn't mind when she's gone. He can always find some fixing-up to do around the house, and she suspects he even enjoys the time alone. Wendy enjoys being here for our programs. She slides right into our routine. Where else would she have the chance to spend time playing dominoes? Or to sit around after dinner chatting about the presidential candidates (and their wives)?
She's with children all day during her workweek, and although she finds both age groups -- the old and the young -- needing personal attention, she finds more stimulation with the elders than with the preschoolers.
She's fascinated that we in the Third Third can take death and personal tragedies with such seeming ease and go on playing our cards or doing our shopping. She doesn't yet realize that we've seen so much of reality that it doesn't stick with us. We sublimate. We find distractions in helping a friend who has a problem get through it. We know that at this time of life, we'll encounter life-threatening issues we must overcome -- and we do.
Wendy says she enjoys watching our everyday activities and how we help each other. For example, if one person is going to the grocery store, she will always ask her table mates if they want her to bring something back.
FEELS FORTUNATE
When Wendy's back home out West, she can at least imagine what her mom is doing at that very moment. When Wendy's father died last year, she knew someone was with her mother to offer solace.
Wendy considers herself fortunate that she can come in and out of her mother's life without much fanfare and also become a friend of her mother's friends. She's pleased when her mother invites her to join her, even if it's watching a TV rerun.
''I didn't believe retired people of this age could have as much fun and laugh as much as they do,'' Wendy says. ``I try to get down there three times a year and I stay as long as I can.''
The retirees with whom she interacts are pleased to have her.
Only 83 percent of the mothers in our living community are green with envy.
Write to Claire Mitchel in care of The Miami Herald at 2010 NW 150th Ave., Pembroke Pines, FL 33028.
Join the discussion
The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from personal comments and remarks that are off point. In order to post comments, you must be a registered user of MiamiHerald.com. Your username will show along with the comments you post. Not a registered user? It's Free!
Register here. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.
