Last week's Third Third column seemed to touch on a subject that sparked the interest of many readers.
Mostly they commented on my statement that ''In the Third Third, it's hard to make new, lasting friendships.'' Some agreed, but others argued that it's up to us. We're in a situation that requires new associates.
Now, when many of our close family members -- parents, spouses, even, in my case, children -- have passed away, there is a need to substitute, not replace them, with other relationships.
These relationships may not fulfill all of our social needs, but they can afford us contacts and companionship we're otherwise left wanting.
TIME TO HEAL
I think we mature with each loss -- if we allow ourselves to heal.
Somehow, we take the passing of a loved one in stride because we have no alternative. It's sad when fate unexpectedly takes a young person who hasn't had a chance to enjoy a full life. We feel they were cheated. But when we lose a contemporary, someone in their 70s or older, it's sad but it can be expected and it's not a tragedy. We move on.
We find companions who suit us. If, at this time of our lives, we enjoy going to the movies, we find a friend who also enjoys doing that. If we like to play bridge, we look for a threesome needing a fourth.
If we don't yet who we are or what we can do to make ourselves happy, we probably sit alone.
MANY CHANGES
At this age, most of us have had to make changes in our lifestyles, requiring new environments, new types of housing, new attitudes. If we can't choose who we want to become or what we want to do to occupy our time at this point, then we're the losers.
In earlier years, we helped our loved ones and wanted to see them succeed. Now, when we're left alone, we must take care of ourselves or arrange to be taken care of.
Now, it's essentially, a new world. Never before in history has a whole population lived so long, so well, in such good health and so comfortably. All we're missing are role models.
For every step we've taken up until now, we've had leaders, people to follow and learn from. We've learned how others chose a mate, how others raised children, how they found and fulfilled a job, how they selected friends.
But we haven't had much experience or opportunities to watch others live so many years in the Third Third.
IT'S UP TO US
Some of us had grandparents who gave us examples. But on a larger scale, science wasn't as advanced as it is today, keeping us alive, body and mind. So, what is our alternative?
We can either pass the time until our number is up or we can be alive while we are living and participate in our opportunities for life at whatever age we find ourselves.
Or we can choose to be losers if we don't enjoy each day we're given in the Third Third extension of our life. It's up to us.
Claire Mitchell welcomes letters. Write to her in care of The Miami Herald at 2010 NW 150th Ave., Pembroke Pines, FL 33028.
