t's Tuesday, and President Barack Obama is moments away from addressing the nation's schoolchildren. Republican Party of Florida Chairman Jim Greer has objected to Obama's ``use of taxpayer dollars to indoctrinate America's children to his socialist agenda.''

Obama: ``Hello, boys and girls. I'm President Barack Obama. Why don't you pass the time by playing a little Solitaire? For those of you too young to remember The Manchurian Candidate, the 1962 film in which an unwitting assassin becomes an evil pawn in a communist conspiracy, stop when you get to the Queen of Diamonds card and listen closely to my instructions.''

Greer: ``Aha! Those birthers were right! Obama's mother really did doctor his Hawaiian birth certificate and send him to a super-secret terrorist training camp!''

Kids: ``What's Solitaire? We wanna play Go Fish!''

Teacher whose voice sounds like the muddled, incomprehensible Mrs. Donovan from ``Charlie Brown'': ``Waah waah waah waah waah waah waah.''

Obama: ``Heh heh heh, just kidding boys and girls. We're not going to play cards today. No, we've got much more serious topics to discuss. I want to talk to you about the distribution of wealth, nationalizing the means of production and a stage of society in Marxist theory that transitions from capitalism to communism. As Frederick Engels wrote, `The materialist conception of history starts from the proposition that the production of the means to support human life and, next to production, the exchange of things produced, is the basis of all social structure; that in every society that has appeared in history, the manner in which wealth is distributed and society divided into classes or orders is dependent upon what is produced, how it is produced and how the products are exchanged.' ''

Kids with eyes closed, mouths open, drool dripping: ``Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.''

Greer: ``Aha! The children! They're in a trance! The brainwashing with liberal propaganda has begun!''

Teacher: ``Waah waah waah waah waah waah waaaaaaaaaahhh.''

Greer: ``Aha! Even the teacher's brainwaves have been co-opted! This is waaay different than the speech former President George H.W. Bush gave to schoolchildren in 1991 when he so wisely stated, `I can't understand for the life of me what's so great about being stupid.' ''

White House staffer in a whisper: ``Just because he went to two Ivy League schools and was editor of the Harvard Law Review doesn't mean he can't stick to the talking points. This speech was supposed to be about doing your homework. Mister President, the teleprompter!''

Obama: ``Ahem. Listen kids, what I really want to talk to you about was staying in school and personal responsibility. Did I ever tell you the story about how my mother would wake me up before dawn to go over my homework? Whenever I'd complain, she'd say, `This is no picnic for me either, Buster!' Heh, heh, heh. Now, I'd like you to write letters to yourselves about how you can help me as your president. Otherwise, the terrorists will win.''

Bored kids, sitting on floor, ramming toy trucks into classroom walls: ``Vroom vroom!''

Greer: ``Aha! They're doing Cash for Clunkers! What's next? Bailing out the school cafeteria with the Troubled Asset Relief Program? Death panels instead of detention?''

Kid sitting in front row: ``Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.''

Beth Reinhard is the political writer for The Miami Herald.

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