How well does a good Miami Beach tan transfer into the afterlife?
This and other important aesthetic considerations for our inevitable fate as really, really, ridiculously good-looking undead corpses should be on every Miamian’s radar this year. After all, there’s no way Miami would survive a zombie apocalypse. That’s what CareerBuilder says, anyway.
A recent, “totally practical and 100 percent feasible” study conducted by job recruiter CareerBuilder found that Miami is ranked No. 49 among the 53 largest U.S. metropolitan areas for its likelihood to survive an undead insurrection.
Translation: We’re all gonna die.
It could come by sea: Sea-level rise is going to increase the dock space for zombies of the seafaring variety.
It could come by air: How’s that battle with Zika going? (A new zone was identified in Little River two weeks ago.)
It could come by land: via a congested Florida Turnpike, no doubt.
CareerBuilder based scores on eight different factors in four categories: Ability to defend against a standard, flesh-eating zombie virus transmitted via biting or contact with infected blood, ability to contain the virus, ability to find a cure and ability to outlast the epidemic with an ample food supply. The study aggregated data from Emsi, CareerBuilder’s labor market analysis arm, which collected information from more than 100 national, state and local employment resources.
Boston, Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Baltimore and San Diego would be the most likely to make it out of the zombie apocalypse in one piece. Along with Miami, Riverside, California; Los Angeles; Tampa (our state has a history of face-eating, zombie-esque behavior); and New York City wouldn’t do so hot.
Now look around at all your coworkers. According to a separate CareerBuilder study, 36 percent of workers would have their co-workers for lunch if they were zombies.
Start making your allegiances now.