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Sticking it to bad drivers

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Aug. 22, 2004.)

How do you rate yourself as a driver?

No, that's a stupid question. You rate yourself above average. It's a well-known fact that all humans consider themselves to be above-average drivers, including primitive Amazonian mud people who have not yet discovered the wheel. No amount of physical evidence will convince a bad driver that he or she is a bad driver. You take a motorist who, while attempting to pull out of a parking space, mistakes ''forward'' for ''reverse,'' then, in an effort to correct this error, mistakes the accelerator for the brake and sends his car (an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) lunging across a sidewalk and into a restaurant, attaining a speed of 37 miles per hour by the time it rams the salad bar and is engulfed by a wave of the house dressing (a creamy Italian). Even as the paramedics are tweezing chickpeas from the ears of this motorist, he will loudly insist that (a) the restaurant was not there before; and (

Revolutionary Road (R) ** | Pretty as a picture -- but lacking depth

A strange thing has happened to Revolutionary Road on its way to the screen: All the heat and passion of Richard Yates' esteemed 1961 novel, about a disintegrating marriage in 1955 Connecticut, have seeped out of the material.

What you're left with is an impeccably shot, studiously staged, passionately acted bore, one of those curious fizzles in which everyone seems to do everything right, but the film simply refuses to take off.

Director Sam Mendes, who previously dissected suburban life so astutely in American Beauty , and screenwriter Justin Haythe, whose script is scrupulously faithful to Yates' novel, at least get the surface right. Mendes' roots in the theater come in especially useful in recreating the clean lines and unfussy details of 1950s Americana without drawing attention to the film's production design.

Your personal cloning manual; copies available

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Dec. 30, 2001.)

Human cloning: Will it be a lifesaving scientific advance, like penicillin? Or will it prove to be a horrible mistake that unleashes untold devastation upon humanity, like the accordion?

As American citizens, we need to form strong opinions about this issue, so that we can write letters to our congresspersons, so that their staffs can, as a precautionary measure, burn them. But first we must inform ourselves by asking questions and then answering them in the ''Q'' and ''A'' format.

Not Easily Broken (PG-13) ** | Melodrama relies on clichés

Not Easily Broken is a marriage-in-crisis melodrama baked from the Tyler Perry recipe.

Take a good-looking, mostly African-American cast, paint the characters in broad ''symbolic'' strokes, place the marriage in jeopardy, add a little ''Take it to the Lord in prayer'' sermonizing and you've got a movie.

Brian Bird's script, taken from T.D. Jakes' novel, has something to say about marriage, manhood and even race. But did somebody actually pay Bird for typing the phrase ''On up in here'' in every page of the script, or ''I got this,'' or the hoariest African-American screen cliché of all, the best friend who starts every sentence with ''Giiiiiiiiiirl''? The groaning triviality of the dialogue works against the cast and director Bill Duke, as does the sermonizing voice-over narration by the lead, Morris Chestnut.

Outlaws in the U.S., strangers at home

U.S. economic downturn strands illegal Latino immigrants between cultures Click here for full story