CIVILITY
Why is everyone so rude lately?
Rudeness has taken center stage of late (old news to anyone who drives in South Florida). Etiquette experts say society has changed, and not for the better.
BY LYDIA MARTIN
lmartin@MiamiHerald.com
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Does the rash of high-profile rudeness we've witnessed in the past few days suggest we've forgotten the basic concept?
First, U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., blurts out a boorish ``You lie!'' in the middle of President Barack Obama's address to Congress. Then Serena Williams forfeits a match at the U.S. Open when she talks trash to a line judge, suggesting she might shove an f-word ``ball'' down the judge's f-word ``throat.''
And then rapper Kanye West pulls another of his stunts, sauntering onstage and grabbing the mic from 19-year-old country star Taylor Swift as she made her acceptance speech at Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards. Seems West thought his pop music peeps and the broader TV audience needed to know his opinion about how Beyoncé should have been the one to take that Moonman. And he must have thought they needed to know right then and there.
Even the usually calm, cool Roger Federer used profanity Monday during the men's final at the U.S. Open, telling a chair umpire, ``Don't tell me to be quiet, OK? When I want to talk, I talk. I don't give a s--- . . . ''
``It's not a pretty time in our society,'' says octogenarian Letitia ``Tish'' Baldrige, Jacqueline Kennedy's White House social secretary and author of several books on etiquette and taste.
Wilson, Williams and West have apologized. But even an apology can be uncouth, says Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of etiquette grande dame Emily Post.
``Kanye [posts] an apology to her'' on his blog, says Post, who works for the Emily Post Institute in Vermont and is the author of How Do You Work This Life Thing? ``You have publicly ruined her moment and forever tied yourself to it. And you don't give her the consideration of saying you're sorry personally, but, instead, you say it to your own fans? . . . It was such an inconsiderate way of dealing with the situation.''
SOUTH FLORIDA SASS
A little decorum goes a long way. Not that too many folks in South Florida seem to have read the memo about doing unto others. Which is why Miami seems to consistently top lists of cities with rude drivers.
Defensive driving has a special meaning here, and Alfreda Straughter-Reed, who teaches anger management courses in Miami-Dade County, says she blames the times we're in for all the easily unhinged people running around.
``No matter what somebody says to you or does to you in traffic, you've got to be able to control yourself,'' says Straighter-Reed, who works with folks who are court-ordered to take anger-management classes and those who show up on their own.
``That's just manners. People had much better manners in the old days. There were basic guidelines that you were taught from very early about how to be. You simply did not disrespect your elders -- or anybody else. Yes, you have to release anger. But there are good ways and bad ways.''
Susan Mullane, who teaches ethics in sports at the University of Miami, says there have always been badly behaved athletes, but there have always been more who minded their P's and Q's.
``When I tell people I teach sports ethics, they'll say, `Isn't that an oxymoron?' It's not. There are a lot of athletes who have done very good things in tough moments,'' Mullane says. ``A lot of people look up to Serena, and she lost it. Yes, she was caught in the moment, and once she regained her composure she said she was wrong. But it all goes back to having basic respect for others.''
RUDE FOLKS OF OLD
But are we really regressing socially? There are endless examples of rude behavior throughout history. Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe are from an earlier generation of tennis greats -- and Lord knows they could hurl tennis rackets and lob some foul language around.
Baldrige, who once was featured on the cover of Time for her role as an arbiter of manners, was born in 1926 -- in Miami Beach's old St. Francis Hospital, as it happens -- and ``this is the rudest time I have seen. We were taught in school how to be kind when I was a child. The schools just don't teach that anymore. We simply have to learn self-control. That's what distinguishes us from our animal friends in the forest.''
``We think the younger generation has no manners, which is what our parents thought about us, and their parents thought about them,'' Post says. ``It was a week for outbursts. But I don't think we're going to hell in a handbasket.''
After all, for every Wilson, Williams and West, there's a Knowles. As in, Beyoncé, who not only was obviously appalled by West's behavior but also graciously ceded the stage to Swift when she was called up to receive her own Moonman for Video of the Year.
``That was an example of very good behavior,'' Baldrige says. ``I hope she thought of that on her own and that it wasn't a public-relations person who told her what to do. I know that's cynical. I shouldn't even think that. But I've lived so long. And seen so much.''
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