It's got to be frustrating. First the marriage breaks up. Then the ex-wife goes out and writes a memoir about the emotional aftermath and how she found a fabulous new life by eating, praying and loving.

Then she sells 5 million copies of the book, makes a mint and sells the movie rights for a film due out next year in which she is played by Julia Roberts.

Well, now it might be time to get even.

Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert's ex, Michael Cooper, has a book deal for his own world journey memoir, to be called Displaced.

Even if Cooper doesn't dish from the other side of the relationship, his book is sure to find some curious readers. But if his goal is to balance the books, so to speak, he's going to be writing against precedent.

``My experience has been that when somebody tries to get into the get-even game, they get got,'' says Lindsey Short, a lawyer who has seen it all in his 43 years of handling divorce cases.

Oh, Short's had clients who got even. Or so they thought. There was the guy who felt so wronged that he thought the solution was to shoot his ex-wife. He went to jail.

Experience has taught Short to look at the long game, even if that means curbing his client's desire to play down and dirty.

Divorce lawyer Earle S. Lilly lists among his clients Cynthia Rodriguez, Yankee player Alex's Rodriguez's wife.

He's seen people court violence and financial ruin in pursuit of what he simply calls revenge. One trick was to report an ex-spouse for tax fraud. Of course, if blowing the whistle, one must be very sure he or she won't get dragged into the investigation.

Then there was the client who decided to forgo a lucrative settlement to make sure her husband had to confess his transgressions out loud. But years later, after her anger died, Lilly wonders who really won there.

``The best form of getting even is the ability to move forward with one's own personal happiness,'' he says.

There may be extreme examples of someone feeling ``karmically'' settled when they get even, says clinical psychologist Chuck Gray. But most people settle the score only by figuring out how to work peacefully together, especially with an ex-spouse.

The problem is the anger and the negativity, says Sam J. Buser, a past president of the Texas Psychological Association. It gets in the way of accomplishing the task.

Truth is, everyone gets wronged at some point in their life, Buser says. The trick, he says, is to focus on the future. In Buser's experience, clients who rejoiced in getting even at one session were back in his office the next week feeling wounded or depressed again.

``It's not a lasting road to happiness,'' he says. ``It's not like you can build a house on that foundation. Happiness always works out to be an inside job. It's not something you can build on grievances addressed.''

So, as it turns out, a happy life is the best revenge.

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