Q: I just came back from a trip to Mexico with my boyfriend of about a year. Before we left, I was thinking this might be THE guy, but this trip has raised some questions. We've always seemed compatible, from mutual interests to things we find funny.

But on the trip, I saw a different side of him. He planned most of it, and we ended up at one of those all-inclusive resorts. It was very nice, but he didn't want to do anything except swim in the pool, lay on the beach, eat and drink. I'm the type of person who likes to go out and explore. We took one bus ride into a nearby town, but it wasn't much more than a bunch of tourist shops.

How big of a deal should I make of this?

A: You should not make a huge deal about this unless you truly hate white sand beaches, grilled burgers by the pool and exotic chilled beverages delivered to your chaise longue on a strict timetable. What's not to like?

Just to be clear, we love a vacation slog through tsetse-fly-infested swamps as much as the next love-smitten sad sack. Part of being in a relationship, after all, is willingly enduring situations that heretofore you would have driven miles around to avoid, because it's something your partner wanted to do.

So, on future excursions, maybe suck it up, take one for the team and try your best to enjoy a few days lounging in the sun. You just might like it!

Speaking of saving relationships, this is exactly the sort of personality difference first vacations are designed to uncover. You never truly know a person until you have traveled with them, and by travel we mean having your luggage lost, sitting in a plane on a foreign tarmac for five hours while they search for a sober pilot, or finding out the view advertised with the cute B&B is of a picturesque alley.

How a person deals with these travel hiccups -- with petulant shout fests or with humor and a watery cocktail -- will tell you a lot about that person.

So now you see that your boyfriend prefers to relax rather than exert on his vacations. Good to know! But it's also time to talk to him about your vacation expectations. You can't be expected to suffer through luxury getaways every single time, right?

Compromise works both ways. If he is adamant there be no hikes or sightseeing or physical activity on your vacations together, then it's up to you to decide if that sort of recalcitrance is a deal-breaker.

We suggest taking turns planning the vacations. If you must endure a stay at a resort on the Mexican Riviera, surely he can go orchid hunting, or whatever, with you.

Bon voyage!

Male Call answers questions on etiquette, relationships, men's style and more. Write to malecall@mercurynews.com.

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