Q: My boyfriend and I recently broke up. His issues were typical -- wasn't ready for a long-term commitment, didn't want kids, etc. I don't necessarily like that, but I understand it. But one thing he said that caught me by surprise was that I'm not ``adventurous'' enough in bed. I didn't question it at the time, but now it's bothering me, because he never said anything about that when we were together.

A: First, let's stipulate that ``adventurous'' is relative. One person's low-cut flannel nightie is another person's trapeze and gallon of Wesson. So, it appears that one of two things is going on here. Either he was being unreasonable in his amorous expectations, or you are indeed more on the reserved side between the sheets. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Was your ex-BF a regular consumer of adult entertainment? If so, it may be that his ideas about performance levels in the bedroom are a tiny bit warped. If he's waiting for a relationship whose sexual component mirrors the usual pneumatic sequences in a porno vid -- which we won't go into here, because we've never, ever seen one -- he's probably better off investing in a high-quality, synthetic girlfriend.

It's possible, though, he simply wanted a little more give and take, if you will. Or a little variation. You'll have to be honest with yourself about this; if your idea of a wild roll in the hay is to leave the bedroom door ajar and a night light on, maybe you really do need to loosen up.

But we'll never know for sure because you two failed to talk about it. And therein lies the key. For future reference, ask some questions about these matters. Or better yet, be verbal with your future BFs. No, we're not saying you have to talk dirty (but you could!). Just communicate what you like, as in ``Mm, yes, more of that,'' or ``You can tie that a little tighter if you want.''

He will appreciate the input, honest.

Male Call answers questions on etiquette, relationships, men's style and more. Write to malecall@mercurynews.com.

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