Q: You've gotten your fair share of questions about the proverbial male commitment-phobe, but what about the female commitment-phobe?

Now that she has her degree, my friend is this much closer to her dream of having it all: dream job, dream boyfriend-turned-fiance-turned-husband, a fulfilling family life with a troop of kids. But she can't seem to stop herself from sabotaging opportunities to start on the path toward a serious romantic relationship.

What do you say: a) to the girl you don't want to see ending up as a cat lady, and b) to the poor hapless guy stuck pining outside her defensive/protective force field?

A: So you're writing this for your friend, eh? Okaaay. Because we can't help but think that maybe you got a little mixed up about to whom these dreams actually belong. Do you know for certain that her life plan is to get married, have kids and live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence and a pet Rottweiler? Or is that the dream you think she should have?

Maybe she is living her dream already -- graduating from college, entering the work force and plowing through a series of fun but ultimately meaningless romantic relationships. Hey, it works for guys!

So, what do you say to your commitment-shy friend? Same thing we'd say to a guy in the same situation -- save us a spot at the bar! Because there's nothing you can do to nudge her into a serious romantic relationship. She'll continue to subtly sabotage them until she's ready not to.

And what if she does end up in a condo filled with stray kittens? Well, to paraphrase the Honorable Judge Smails, the world needs cat ladies, too.

Male Call answers questions about dating, relationships, etiquette, men's style and more. Send yours to malecall@mercurynews.com.

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