Things were going so well for Laura Tisdel and her boyfriend, Matt. After just a few dates, filled with penetrating conversations and intense chemistry, the couple had decided to become exclusive. Tisdel, who is now 26 and an assistant editor for Viking Press, had never been happier.

Then one day, while hanging out at Matt's apartment in midtown Manhattan, Tisdel sat down at her boyfriend's computer and caught her first glimpse of his iTunes. There, amidst Bruce Springsteen and Rolling Stones albums, were ones by Air Supply. Wham. Meat Loaf.

''Not their greatest hits,'' Tisdel said with a sigh. ``All of them.''

Were the albums an attempt at irony? That's what Tisdel told herself, at first. Then she noticed the carefully organized playlists -- labeled ''working,'' ''cleaning,'' ''Sunday morning'' -- filled with these and similarly embarrassing artists.

Embarrassing, at least, to Tisdel, who prefers indie rock. If she had any doubts that he actually listened to this music, there was the data: iTunes tracks the last time a song was played and how many times it had been played.

''I went through a moment of mourning,'' Tisdel said.

PERSONALITY CLUES

For as long as people have owned music, their libraries have provided friends and family and lovers with clues about their personalities. Yet, while a decade ago we had no real idea of what people listened to in private, today we can assume if something's on someone's iPod, they're listening to it.

On iTunes, we can even see what's on someone's ''most played'' list, how each person ''rates'' songs (on a scale of one to five stars), and how each one organizes his music. Indeed, technology has granted a level of insight and awareness into significant others' lives that we wouldn't otherwise have.

Tisdel confronted Matt about his library, and he confirmed her worst suspicions. The albums weren't guilty pleasures; they were, simply, pleasures. ''It's just so disappointing to me, because he's so smart,'' Tisdel says.

Yet somehow their relationship continued, and two years later, the couple is now convinced they want to spend the rest of their lives together, so long as they never ride together in a car.

With the advent of iTunes, there's no more hiding from the painful truth that you've just listened to Britney Spears's Gimme More or Barbra Streisand's People, or that you have an ongoing weakness for Andrew Lloyd Webber. Just as the information contained in a cellphone can expose someone's darkest secrets, so can an iPod screen. And so, when we do expose our listening habits to others, we indeed make ourselves vulnerable.

We may even find ourselves the victims of ''playlistism,'' which urbandictionary.com defines as ``discrimination based not on race, gender, or religion, but rather on a disturbingly horrible iTunes music library discovered through a school or job network.''

For these reasons, Adam Aziz, 28, who lives in Toronto and works in hip-hop -- yet proudly listens to Phil Collins and Peter Gabriel -- says he treads carefully when it comes to his iTunes. ''If I'm dating a girl,'' Azziz says, ``she doesn't get control of the iPod in the car -- not until date No. 3, maybe.''

Letting a date peruse your library can amount to a relationship milestone, says Abbey Simmons, a 28-year-old TV and music critic in Seattle.

''It's a pretty ultimate sign of trust,'' Simmons says. ``You see the good the bad and the Kelly Clarkson.''

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