Editor's note: Lola, an American bulldog, lives in Miami Beach with Palm Beach Post writer Liz Balmaseda.

He had me at ``Tsst.''

It wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall for his allure, his hypnotic voice. I wasn't supposed to heel, if you will.

But that sound. Brief. Urgent. Macho.

``Tsst,'' he said -- and I turned to butter.

It's the universal sound for ``You shall submit. Now.'' And nowhere is it more powerful than in the command of Cesar Millan, Dog Whisperer, Mexican god of obedience.

What is it about him that causes perfectly respectable alpha bitches to swoon? Take me, for instance. I was born to violate every one of the Dog Whisperer's cardinal rules for attaining canine ``balance.'' I'm neither calm nor submissive.

But Momma swears by the guy. Not that she follows his ``exercise, discipline, then affection'' mantra exactly. At our house, it's more like: Affection. Food. Affection. Treats! Affection. Exercise. Affection. Discipline. Affection.

Still, she parks the TV on the National Geographic Channel every Friday night to watch Dog Whisperer. Everything is ``Cesar says this'' and ``Cesar says that.''

Me? I watch for one, hunky reason: Daddy. He's Cesar's ice-cold sidekick, a red-nose pit bull with hazel eyes and a heart of gold. Muscles for days.

Ah, Daddy. He's the personification of ``Tsst.''

That's why I jumped -- yes, jumped -- at the chance to ask Cesar some questions by phone the other day. I have to say I was impressed when he agreed to talk to me instead of Momma. I know he's not keen about ``humanizing'' dogs. But he let me ask my questions. And he didn't say ``Tsst'' once.

Q: What do I do about my newly adopted little brother, a year-old mongrel Momma found at the park, who constantly chews at my feet, my ears, my neck? He wants to party 24-7!

A: I would ask your owner to exercise him a little bit more before you get to work with him. He needs exercise, discipline before affection. And, of course, patience and consistency. It sounds like you haven't had enough experience in the past to deal with a situation like this. But have faith -- your DNA will lead you in the right direction. I'm sure about that.

Q: I'm an American bulldog and sometimes people confuse me for a pit bull, and for some reason this is a bad thing. Why are some people afraid of bully breeds?

A: It's a misconception, and that is unfortunate. We need you to be patient and, in a way, ignore the people that are not educated yet. I know, since I live with dogs, that you don't take any of this personally. It's not a dog problem. It's a human problem.

Q: Right now it's thundering outside, and, well, I'm talking to you from my storm bunker, under the desk. Can you please explain to my human Momma why thunder freaks me out?

A: It's an unexpected sound. It's typical that you will feel this way. But what I would suggest is that you might take some [Bach] Rescue Remedy. It calms you down. I would also suggest for your mom to condition you to hear this sound before it actually happens, to work on positive activities while you hear similar sounds. I would suggest she watch the Dog Whisperer episode featuring Gavin, a former explosives-sniffing dog in Florida. [In the December 2007 episode ATF K-9 Gavin, a formerly fearless Labrador retriever suffers from severe anxiety after a stint in Iraq and two Florida hurricanes.]

Q: I want to tear a few holes into Michael Vick's jersey. What do we do about this guy?

A: What we need to do is realize this problem is not just about him but a whole population of people. It's not just one individual who is engaging in dogfighting activity. There are people out there who still think and act this way. This is why you and I have to stay compassionate and focused. This is how we can truly make a difference in the world. I don't believe hate will change anything.

Q: OK. I'm blond, green eyes, J-Lo derriere. You think Daddy would like me?

A: Daddy would loooooove you!

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