You may be taking your life in your hands these days just to spend your economic stimulus check.

A friend of mine was walking on Northwest 36th Street at the Midtown Miami shopping center on a recent Saturday afternoon, when a man tried to yank her purse away. My friend yanked back.

He pulled out a gun and stuck it in my friend's chest. He got the purse.

Even so, he scratched her face and fired two shots in the air as she ran.

''I didn't think that neighborhood was the safest thing,'' said my friend, who didn't want her name used, as her accoster has her ID, keys and credit cards. ``But I didn't feel in danger until now.''

Neither did we.

A few days later, another explosive situation erupted, this time in the Bal HarbourShops parking lot.

According to a police report, a woman said she was trying to park her car when a couple in a BMW stole her spot. She approached them, she said, and was clobbered with -- get this -- a Hermès Birkin bag.

The abuser allegedly yelled: ``I can do whatever I want, b----, I'm beautiful!''

The shouter and her male companion then headed to Neiman Marcus, where they bought something at the Louis Vuitton counter -- and were captured by surveillance cameras. Police are apparently following up.

Now, the ''I'm beautiful!'' part sounds suspiciously like a poetic flourish.

But hey, it's Bal Harbour.

EBAY LOSES THIS BID

It was a bit of a shocker that a French court last week ordered eBay to hand over a whopping $63 million to French luxury-goods maker LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton for selling fake LV purses on its online auctions.

But hey, it's France.

MOVE

Another blow for Lincoln Road: En Avance boutique is pulling out in five months.

Owner Karen Quinones has already decamped to the Design District, where she set up shop at 161 NE 40th St. Lincoln Road, she said, just didn't cut it anymore.

``I felt it was too mainstream. Plus my rent was tripling.''

THE KICKA STANDARD

So I cleaned out my closet, holding myself to the ''Kicka standard,'' set by recent Deconstruction subject Kicka Witte, who it seems never bought a shirt she didn't want to give away.

Purging was a good move. A crowded closet feels like emotional baggage, extra weight. I feel lighter now.

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