Despite the high costs and legal complications, many gay men -- such as singing star Clay Aiken, a recent single dad who this week confirmed his sexual orientation -- are starting families.

Adoption remains the most common way for gay men to become fathers -- unless they live in Florida. State law prohibits gay people from adopting, the only outright ban in the nation.

In an exception, a Monroe circuit judge last month ordered the state to allow a gay man to adopt his 12-year-old foster son. The state Attorney General's Office will not appeal the order, meaning it will not be reviewed by a higher court.

That case, however, does not change state law; lesbians and gay men must go out of state if they want to adopt a child. Their other option: sperm banks and surrogacy programs.

Fertility clinics and surrogacy programs report increased interest from gay men, while couples who already have children are getting married -- or considering it -- to provide more security for those kids.

With same-sex marriage now legal in California even to nonresidents, and Massachusetts extending its 4-year-old gay-marriage policy to out-of-staters, parenting is suddenly a realistic option for gays and lesbians nationwide, even if their home states won't recognize the unions.

''We wanted our daughter to know her parents were married -- that was the big thing for us,'' said Tommy Starling of Pawley's Island, S.C., who wed his partner of 12 years, Jeff Littlefield, on July 11 in Hollywood, Calif.

Among those at the ceremony was their daughter, Carrigan, who was born in California two years ago.

Starling said he and Littlefield had tried previously to adopt a child in South Carolina, but encountered anti-gay hostility and instead opted to become parents through a surrogacy program run by Los Angeles-based Growing Generations. Since 1996, it has matched hundreds of gay men with surrogate mothers who are paid to carry an implanted embryo produced from a donor egg fertilized with the client's sperm.

''Our journey to parenthood was not easy, cheap or fun,'' Starling and Littlefield wrote in an account of their family. ``The result, however, has been the most amazing experience in the world; being called Daddy and Dad by our loving daughter.''

For lesbian couples, biological parenthood is usually a far simpler proposition than for gay men, since there's no need for surrogacy and there are various options for becoming pregnant. A lesbian couple faces neither the cost of surrogacy, which can run as high as $150,000, nor the legal complications, which call for a carefully negotiated contract with the surrogate mother.

''All the realms involved with men are much more complex,'' said Gail Taylor, president and founder of Growing Generations.

Starling, 36, and Littlefield, 52, face the likelihood that their marriage will not be recognized anytime soon in South Carolina, one of 26 states with constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriages.

In contrast, Joe and Brent Taravella, who are raising three children in South Orange, N.J., already have a civil union and are optimistic that New Jersey will soon join California and Massachusetts in legalizing same-sex marriages.

''As a couple with kids, you really see the importance of it, trying to get as many protections as you can,'' Joe Taravella said.

They have a 2-year-old daughter through a surrogacy handled by Growing Generations, and twins born in May 2007 through a surrogacy arranged by a New Jersey lawyer, Melissa Brisman.

''My relatives were screaming with excitement when they found out we were going to be parents,'' Joe Taravella said. ``I think we still have something to prove, to show America we can do a great job with these kids.''

The Taravellas (Brent has taken Joe's last name) both donated sperm -- a fairly common practice among gay male couples who say they don't care which partner is the biological dad. Some other couples decide to have two biological babies simultaneously, each providing sperm and using two surrogates.

Among the enterprises offering such services is Fertility Institutes, which has offices in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Mexico, and plans to open a branch in New York City even though New York is among a half-dozen states banning paid surrogacy.

''It's not going to happen in New York as the law stands now,'' said Fertility Institutes' director Dr. Jeffrey Steinberg. ``You can't bring the surrogate into the state, but we can make the arrangements, fly the client elsewhere.''

Overall, Steinberg says inquiries from gay men to his offices have increased 30 percent in the past six months.

''There are more couples that had been holding off because of the marriage situation who are now starting to show up,'' he said. ``We've definitely seen an upswing.''

Miami Herald staff writer Steve Rothaus contributed to this report.

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