WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
Prom plans cause jitters
Posted on Tue, May. 20, 2008
By SHIRLEY C. MALOVE
Q:My daughter (15, ninth grade) was invited to the prom by a senior (17). They go with a large group and afterward everyone spends the night at one house. Is this OK? I'm not sure how comfortable I am. I'm not overprotective, but I worry. The kids are nice, but you never know.
A: The transition to high school and socializing with older kids can certainly give parents new worries. Seniors compared to freshman usually have more life experience and fewer restrictions. Your daughter must learn to accept that privileges are age related and earned by demonstrating good judgment and responsibility. It is expected that she will not have the same freedom as her older friends. Talk openly with her about your concerns. Tell her that you do not want to limit her fun, but you must be sure that she is safe. Express your belief in her ability to be aware of potentially dangerous scenarios. Kids learn about life by handling situations successfully. Extremes rarely work. If teens are too restricted they may only focus on rebellion; if there are no limits, they may feel overwhelmed and unloved.
Such prom arrangements are common practice. However, you must feel comfortable about the plans. Contact the parent hosting the sleepover and inquire about adult supervision, etc. You can get a good sense by expressing your concerns to the host parent and observing their response. If they are dismissive, they may not share your worries and won't be vigilant to your satisfaction. Whatever you decide, remember that parenting is a delicate balancing act: There are no perfect answers. Using your instincts to determine the best course of action will encourage your daughter to do the same in her life.
Shirley C. Malove is a licensed clinical social worker. E-mail: shirleymalove@aol.com.
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