WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
Texting teen worries Mom
Posted on Tue, Apr. 08, 2008
By SHIRLEY C. MALOVE
Q: My 13-year-old daughter is driving me crazy with her text messaging. I'm glad she has a phone so I can always reach her, but she's constantly sending and receiving messages so that we can't even have a conversation. Yesterday she was devastated over a ''text'' fight with her best friend. Should I hide the phone?
A: The misuse of text messaging undermines communication. It discourages individuals from facing each other and discussing their differences directly. Texting emotionally laden material may lead to misinterpretations because one cannot interpret and respond to nuances, which are pervasive in verbal conversation. Due to the detachment inherent in a text message, individuals who struggle with confrontation may send one to convey feelings that they may be reluctant to express verbally. As a result, this could lead to a more hurtful and damaging exchange.
Understandably, you feel rejected by your daughter's preoccupation and need for constant contact with her friends. Adolescence is a time of tremendous adjustment when children begin to separate and discover their individual identity. This is partly accomplished through experiences in peer relationships. As difficult as it may be to see your daughter in pain, she must learn to deal with friendship issues on her own. Each successful resolution will boost her self-esteem and provide the confidence to deal with future conflicts. Her connection to peers is vital to her development. Don't hide the phone -- just urge her to use it wisely.
Shirley C. Malove is a licensed clinical social worker. E-mail: shirleymalove@aol.com.
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