Q: I'm 47 and divorced. My ex was financially successful but the relationship was empty and unconnected. I've been dating someone for nine months whom I really love. The problem is he's not a professional, and won't be able to have conversations with my friends' husbands about business or important topics. And my family will think he's beneath me and unsophisticated. He doesn't have money, but he's thoughtful, caring and makes me feel so happy. I broke up with him and was so depressed I cried until we got back together. What should I do?

A: Until you are able to separate and come to terms with your boyfriend's class/financial status and the love you feel for him, it will be difficult for you to make a clear decision. You have avoided introducing him to your friends and family because you are afraid they will judge him harshly. But is it possible these fears also reflect your own discomfort with his status?

Acknowledging this may be difficult because it would require you to be honest with yourself about deeply rooted prejudices. It sounds as though you were brought to highly value professional accomplishments and financial status. However, choosing a partner based upon those ideals did not bring you happiness in your marriage.

If you and your boyfriend remain together, be sure to speak candidly with him about your fears regarding your differences and encourage him to do the same. Most importantly, do not expect to persuade him to change. If he is content, pressure from you could seem manipulative, and that could damage your relationship.

Shirley Malove is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Fort Lauderdale. Send questions to shirleymalove@aol.com or Tropical Life, The Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, FL 33132.

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