Q: Last week I moved my daughter to college in another state. I've always been involved with her activities and pushed her to succeed in school. Now she's the first one ever in my family to go.

We looked forward to this for years. But this week I feel sad and awful, only I didn't tell her. She called and is feeling overwhelmed and homesick. I don't know what to do! Should I go see her? Why aren't I happy? Why isn't she?

A: When a child leaves home it is a huge transition for the entire family. Pride and joy in her achievement become mixed with sadness and loss as the separation process unfolds. Because you were so involved and supportive of your daughter's accomplishments throughout her childhood and adolescence, it makes sense that you would feel a void when that level of engagement is suddenly over. Children frequently perceive when their parents' emotional state is in turmoil. So although you have not directly shared your sadness, your daughter probably senses it, which may intensify her feelings about the separation.

Initially, most students feel overwhelmed as they adjust to both the demands and freedoms that come with college life. Until now, your daughter was comforted with the knowledge that her supportive and available parents were nearby when needed. In college, new students quickly realize that they are on their own, required to care for themselves and make decisions without the involvement of their parents or guardians.

Students' task of separating from their families together with becoming independent and responsible for their own needs is a lot to simultaneously process. This may explain why your daughter feels overwhelmed.

Although her distress is difficult to hear, try to resist the impulse to rescue her. Acknowledge her struggle, but emphasize that you are confident she will manage it. By allowing your daughter to take on these responsibilities without interfering, you encourage autonomy and allow her to learn important life lessons.

Try to be patient. As with any transition, it will take time for both you and your daughter to settle in and adjust to these new circumstances.

Shirley Malove is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Fort Lauderdale.

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