Excerpt #3 From Dave Barry’s new book ‘Insane City’

Avoid gluten, boiled rabbit

The Herald is publishing excerpts from Dave Barry’s new novel, ‘Insane City.’ Here is an excerpt from Chapter 53.

Excerpt #2 From Dave Barry’s new book ‘Insane City’

Wedding party gets that sinking feeling

Excerpts from Dave Barry’s new novel, ‘Insane City.’ Here is an excerpt from Chapter 17. Behind the Clarks, standing a few yards apart from the group and looking bored yet observant, were Mike’s two massive bodyguards, Ron Brewer and Paul Castronovo, wearing khaki slacks, polo shirts and navy blue sport jackets. Brewer and Castronovo were former New York City Police detectives, veteran partners who had left the force under the cloud of an Internal Affairs investigation arising from the unusual number of cases wherein suspects whom they were about to apprehend elected instead — according to Brewer and Castronovo’s official reports — to leap voluntarily to their deaths from the roofs of tall buildings. This had happened often enough that the other detectives had — not without a certain amount of respect — nicknamed Brewer and Castronovo the Tinker Bells, in recognition of the magical power they had to enable people to fly, at least for brief periods.

Excerpt #1 from Dave Barry’s new book ‘Insane City’

It’s getting a bit nutty down here

Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday in Tropical Life, The Herald will publish excerpts from Dave Barry’s new novel, ‘Insane City.’ Here is an excerpt from Chapter 5. Meet the author today at Temple Judea in Coral Gables.

The Trojan Twinkie caper

I'll tell you when I start to worry. I start to worry when ''officials'' tell me not to worry. This is why I am very concerned about the following Associated Press report, which was sent to me by a number of alert readers....

Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality

Welcome to ''Ask Mister Language Person,'' written by the foremost leading world authority on the proper grammatorical usagality of English, both orally and in the form of words. In this award-winning column, which appears nocturnally, we answer the grammar and vocabulary questions that are on the minds of many Americans just before they pass out.

In My Opinion

Dave Barry on man-vs.-snake Everglades smackdown

Ever fearful that Florida isn’t seen as insane enough, the state has invited the gun-toting world to come here and blast a python.

Jump on the batwagon

There has never been a TV series where the animal hero was a bat. Why not? Why couldn't Lassie have been a bat? There could have been an episode wherein Lassie and her young master, Timmy, are frolicking around the farm, with Lassie playfully catching insects for Timmy via sonar, when suddenly ... UH-oh! Timmy is caught in the quicksand!

Dave Barry’s Year in Review

It was a cruel, cruel year — a year that kept raising our hopes, only to squash them flatter than a dead possum on the interstate.

How to beat the wrap

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthasar and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, ``presented unto Him gifts: gold, frankincense and myrrh.''

Safe on the slopes

Here's a fun winter vacation idea: Why not go skiing? If you answered, ''Because I don't want to spend the next two years in a full-body cast,'' then I have good news: Thanks to modern, high-tech ski equipment originally developed for use by U.S. astronauts, 72 percent of all skiers are able to walk with assistance in less than 10 months!

Dave Barry’s Gift Guide

The holiday season is here: It’s time to do your gift shopping!

Dead or alive, turkeys can fowl up your life

It's almost Thanksgiving, a time for us to pause in our busy lives and remember, as the Pilgrims did so long ago, that an improperly cooked turkey can kill us.

A gross national columnist

As a professional newspaper columnist with both medical AND dental benefits, I receive many letters from people who'd like to get into my line of work.''Dear Dave,'' they write. ''I'm sick of my boring, dead-end job as a (lawyer, teacher, office worker, politician). How do I develop the skills I need to obtain a job like yours, where you have an opportunity to make a difference, even though you never actually do?''

Mars lawyers, dead voters - beat goes on

And so, at last, the 2004 presidential campaign, which began in roughly 1997, is over. We have finally come to the end of the bitter hateful partisan viciousness that has consumed us for far too long, and we can now look forward, as a nation, to beginning a new era of bitter hateful partisan viciousness.

A fun-free Halloween

Gather 'round, boys and girls, because today Uncle Dave is going to tell you how to have some real ''old-fashioned'' Halloween fun! Start by gathering these materials: a commercial air compressor, an acetylene torch, a marine flare gun and 200 pounds of boiled pig brains. Next, select a neighbor who ... Whoops! Scratch that, boys and girls!

Halloween: When back hair is fashionable

I love Halloween, because it reminds me of a simpler, more innocent time -- a time when I dressed up as a goblin and ran around the neighborhood shouting ''Trick or treat!'' But that was last year.

Humidity: It's not the heat, it's the floating snakes

The main reason my family and I moved to South Florida is that we, like so many others, wanted to live in an area of extremely high humidity. We had been living in the Philadelphia area, which is reasonably moist, but which also suffers from long stretches of drier weather -- we called these stretches "fall, " "winter" and "spring" -- that really got on our nerves. "If I hear one more gloriously multihued leaf rustle in the crisp autumn air, I shall go insane!" we would frequently remark.

Traffic woes drive us crazy

Our traffic problems are getting worse, according to a recent study by the Institute of Discovering Things That Make You Go "Duh."How bad is our traffic mess? Consider these alarming facts:

Great moments in science

Settle back, because today I'm going to tell you the dramatic true story of what happened when some Japanese researchers decided to re-create the historic discovery of the law of gravity:

Housecleaning tip: Don't

I'm a pretty good housekeeper. Ask anybody. No, wait: Don't ask my wife.