Experience has taught me that the more I work at something, the better I'll master it. You know the old saw: Practice makes perfect.

This is true in all things except child rearing and college applications. There's not enough newsprint to explain the former, so I'll limit myself to the latter. What's more, living with two high school seniors in the middle of college application season has made me a frantic, anxious insomniac.

The kids? Oh, they're doing quite fine, thank you, planning for homecoming and wondering if they can finagle a later curfew. Ironic, no? I thought I would never write this, but they have maintained a healthier perspective on this blood sport than I have -- and I've already been through this process.

I have sent three older children through college. One stayed nearby at a state school, another applied for early admission to his No. 1 choice and cruised the rest of his senior year and a third traveled far to an Ivy. However disparate their experiences, they each enjoyed their college years -- a little too much, if you ask me -- and are now gainfully employed in their dream careers. Which is to say that college is neither the alpha nor omega of young lives.

So what is it about my generation at this particular period in time that has turned the process of choosing a college into a high-stakes, winner-take-all competition? How often must I remind myself that their admission is neither a reflection of my parenting nor a predictor of their career success? Why can't I just step back and let the kids be?

When school began this year, I vowed to assume a laissez-faire parenting role that emphasizes personal accountability. It was their responsibility, not mine, to solicit recommendations, request transcripts, write essays, meet deadlines. A series of discussions -- OK, arguments -- had alerted me to the fact that I was meddling way too much.

It was time to back off. Time to ditch the rescue strategy. Time for the almost-adults to seize the college stallion by the reins (and stirrups) and ride it whatever way they wanted -- even if they only managed admission to a (gasp!) state school.

So as my friends visited leafy college campuses with their children, the tour operator of choice in my household was the Internet. (Actually, the price was right, too, particularly for a journalist living with the constant threat of downsizing.) And while their classmates went off to wonderful summer programs that made me want to be 18 and college-bound all over again, my niece worked as a camp counselor and my son sold cutlery between two-a-day football practices. I know, I know, that's not quite as impressive as a summer at Harvard, but it meant money in the college kitty.

Yet . . . yet . . . does anyone know how incredibly difficult it has been to sit on my hands? To worry that I may not be doing enough for my children?

After reading countless reports about the rising tide of high school graduates applying to college, I have made another promise to myself, one akin to wearing a hairshirt in August. I will not compare SAT scores as if they were stock futures. I will not anticipate class rank with the nervousness of a waiting lover. And I will ban any discussion of college when I hang out with other mothers. This exercise in self-torture will prevent me from making a hard decision that much more difficult.

Help me, please. If you know of any support group for recovering meddlers, shoot me an e-mail.

Join the discussion

Note: If this is your first time using our NEW commenting system, you will have to LOG OUT and then LOG BACK IN.

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. In order to post comments, you must be a registered user of MiamiHerald.com. Your username will show along with the comments you post. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

     Showing: Oldest first Newest first Most-recommended first Least-recommended first

@Nyx.AuthorDisplayName@ wrote on @Nyx.PostedAtTime@:

@Nyx.CommentBody@

@Nyx.Recommender@ @Nyx.AbuseReporter@