It’s not your place to tell her to ease off on her opinions. They’re hers and she’s entitled to them.
And you are entitled to yours: “Your ex deserves every bit of your anger, but he’s just one man. I expect that if a man publicly bashed all women out of disgust for his ex-wife, you’d be outraged by that.”
I realize this is just another version of “just talk to her about it.” I also realize that someone who has gone scorched-earth against all men is going to receive your message badly — but I believe that delivering it in defense of the entire gender she’s maligning, with care to validate her feelings about her ex-husband, is the only right thing to do.
Maybe, but I’m struggling with a bias toward just getting it over with.
Your parents are either going to be an obstacle or not. I’m also not thrilled with his either-I-like-your-parents-or-I’m-gone attitude.
Even if we came up with the perfect compromise, it would still fail on the most important measure: It’s not emerging from a mutual desire to work together to ensure you both get what you need. That’s what gets couples through everything — including in-law issues.
What strained his ex-marriage? It wasn’t his mother-in-law; it was his and his ex’s inability to work together to neutralize his mother-in-law. Besides, by operating as if other women are as controlled by their parents, hasn’t he revealed that his baggage is controlling him?