In the Jewish faith, it is traditional for a baby to be named for a deceased parent or grandparent — or at least given a name with the same first initial. However, if the person who died was a child of a close relative, I can see how that could be very painful for the parents who lost their child.
The appropriate thing to do would be to first have a conversation with the surviving family member(s) to be sure it will be considered the honor it is intended to be and not open fresh wounds. If it would cause pain, perhaps the expectant parents should consider making the name of the deceased their baby’s middle name instead of first name.
Reluctant to reveal
I think you should follow your doctor’s advice and not be intimidated. You have an illness — depression — that, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is shared by about 9 percent of our population. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
Because you’re afraid of what your mother will say, explain to those relatives you feel close to what you need to do and the reasons for it. I can’t guarantee that some of them won’t take sides, but I’m sure not all of them will. Sadly, not all families are functional. Not all parents are good parents, and some of them are toxic.
P.S. Because your struggle with depression is ongoing, I hope you are still under the care of a psychotherapist. If you’re not, please consider it.