Dear Abby: I am 17 and a senior in high school. During freshman year, one of my classmates was a boy I’ll call “Alex.” This year, I have been told that Alex has changed his name to “Aly,” a more feminine name. Aly now sometimes dresses like a girl and sometimes like a boy.
What gender should I refer to Aly as? Would it be rude to ask my classmate which gender he/she identifies with?
Considering that Aly could be in a process of transition, I not only don’t think the question would be rude, I think it’s an intelligent one. If you ask your classmate politely and privately, I’m sure Aly will be glad to answer.
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Dear Abby: I gave up a baby girl for adoption 29 years ago. I thought when she became an adult she would want to contact me, but I have heard nothing. I have known how to contact her for many years, but haven’t done it because I didn’t want to intrude in her life. I have left contact totally up to her if she chooses.
Like I said, so far I’ve heard nothing, and I’m just wondering why she wouldn’t want to contact me or know anything about me.
Are you certain your daughter knows she was adopted? While many adopted children want to know their birth parents, not all do because they don’t feel anything is “missing” in their lives. They may also think it would be disrespectful to the parents who raised them. Please don’t take it personally.
Dear Abby: I’m stuck in the middle between my mom and my husband, “Gary,” regarding a onesie my brother bought for our daughter. Gary is a die-hard Raiders fan. My mom and brother love the Chargers. Mom and my brother thought it would be funny to give my daughter a Chargers onesie. Mom asked me to have my child wear it during the game.
When I asked Gary what he thought, he got upset and said, “Please don’t do that. I don’t want your mom buying Chargers clothes thinking she can turn our daughter into a Chargers fan.”
Mom texted me for a photo of the baby wearing it. I said I was sorry, but her dad doesn’t want her to wear it, and she got mad and said, “Whatever!” I can’t please everyone. What should I do?
Whether your mother and your brother thought it would be funny to give your daughter a Chargers outfit is beside the point. Your husband doesn’t see the humor in it, so my advice is to let the child be logo-free until she’s old enough to decide for herself whom to support.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.