Dear Abby: My husband has many wonderful qualities. However, he’s obsessed with my always being instantly available when he calls or texts my cellphone.
I don’t carry it with me every minute of the day. At work I can be busy taking orders, dealing with clients, having a conference with my boss or using the restroom. But if I don’t answer, my husband leaves nasty messages asking why I have a phone if I’m not going to pick up or respond to a text. I always do it as soon as I am able.
I have explained the reality of what I might be involved with when he contacts me. I have told him his demand that I always be immediately available is selfish, to no avail. What’s your opinion?
My opinion is you should ignore your husband’s nasty comments because he’s acting like an immature, demanding child who needs to grow up and realize the world doesn’t revolve around him.
Kyle works a lot and takes classes, so he is not at our home that much. However, at age 25, it seems to me he should be out on his own.
Some of Kyle’s uncles are upset that my husband has allowed this to go on so long because their kids never got the same treatment. But Kyle doesn’t get the support from his parents that he should, and my husband feels sorry for him.
Am I selfish for feeling that my space has been invaded for too long?
That you and your husband have chosen to be generous with Kyle should be nobody else’s business. For the reason you mentioned, Kyle needed a break. Your husband stepped in and has seen that he got one.
If Kyle were constantly underfoot, I could understand why you might justifiably feel “invaded.” However, because he isn’t, then yes, I do think your attitude is selfish.
Today, I had a hankering for one of those great salads from my favorite fast food chain. It was noon, and the line from the main highway to get into the driveway was long.
When I finally was able to turn in to the ordering section, I noticed a man in his work truck trying to get into the line. We were face-to-face. I looked back, saw all the cars behind me and knew none of them were going to let him in, so I motioned for him to go ahead of me.
When I reached the window and started to pay for my order, the cashier said, “You are already paid for.” I said, “What?” The man in front of me had paid for my order.
The message? Be kind — it’s good karma.
I agree. Like a stone thrown into a pond, a good deed can create ripples that extend far beyond the initial splash.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.