Dear Abby: I have a problem with blushing. Whenever I’m the center of attention, even if it’s with just one other person, my face goes bright red. This even happens when I’m not feeling embarrassed.
I’ve learned to cope with the feeling of my face flushing. What I’m having trouble with is people’s comments about why my face is so red. I’ve never been able to come up with a good response. Telling them I’m not really embarrassed is met with skepticism. Please help.
My advice is to be upfront and tell the questioner that you don’t know why it happens, but you’re not embarrassed. As you already know, blushing can happen if someone suffers from a social phobia. In cases like that, counseling and support groups can help. However, because you find it happening even when you are not pressured or embarrassed, discuss it with your physician to be sure there isn’t an underlying physical problem.
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Dear Abby: I’ve been dating my 42-year-old boyfriend, “Mike,” for a year. I love him, but he’s a heavy drinker. He has a glass or two of whiskey on a daily basis and sgoes through a huge bottle of whiskey every weekend. (He also drinks beer like water.) When I asked him to cut back, he refused because he “loves” whiskey. I have never seen him drunk or act intoxicated, so he obviously has a high tolerance.
It bothers me that Mike drinks so much and that he won’t cut back. I told him I wouldn’t marry him unless he does. My problem is, I don’t know whether he’s an alcoholic since he doesn’t ever show signs of intoxication. I’ve been told that alcoholism is a progressive disease and that it will only increase.
What constitutes an alcoholic? Is it possible for Mike to drink every day but not be one? I don’t want to lose him, but he also has a very bad temper, and I’m afraid it’s not a good combination if we were to get married.
You are right to be concerned. Even if Mike promised “not to drink so much,” he might backslide on his promise after the wedding.
Also, has it occurred to you that the whiskey may be part of what is causing Mike’s bad temper? Large quantities of alcohol have been known to alter a person’s perception, and the results can be explosive. If you haven’t already done so, consider attending an AL-Anon meeting, which may confirm this.
I’m not a medical doctor, but it would be interesting to know what your boyfriend’s physician thinks about the amount of alcohol he consumes, because the quantity you say Mike puts away may put him at risk for cirrhosis of the liver.
This may be more information than you asked for, but I don’t think Mike is marriage material because it appears he is already wedded to his bottle.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.