Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: I’m hoping you can calm my panic: I just got the “save the date” for my brother’s wedding, and it has directions to their “wedding website” — which is a “fund our honeymoon” page! My parents are backpacking outside of cell service, but I have to imagine if they had known about this they would have said something.
This is a young couple who don’t live together so it’s not even one of those “we already have what we need” situations. I’m so flustered and embarrassed for them I don’t know what to do, I can hardly get this email out coherently! Do I say something or keep my mouth shut since the “save the dates” went out anyway? And if I say something do I talk to my brother or my parents?
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Panic? Seriously? Badtastezilla is stomping Tokyo?!
It’s not your thing, and it’s not in good taste, and when people ask for my advice, I urge them not to treat their weddings as a chance to pass the hat.
However, if they’d rather parasail than have matching dessert plates, then, so be it. I have better things to hyperventilate about, and I imagine you do, too. Especially since their having two households right now means this is one of those “we already have two of what we need” situations.
Some of their friends and family will harrumph about it, yes. But when they do, don’t pile on. Instead, just say something noncommittal, like, “To each his own.” For what it’s worth, if I were a guest at this wedding, I’d help fund the honeymoon. I’d rather make them happy than make a statement.
Re: Registry: Carolyn, I think you missed what the sister was saying. It isn’t that the couple have a honeymoon fund on the registry page of their wedding website, it is that their wedding website IS a fund-our-honeymoon page. By my read, they are sending guests straight to PayPal and skipping the part where they include details on accommodations and events.
I didn’t miss it; see below.
Re: Badtastezilla Is Stomping Tokyo:
I used to feel that way — well, certainly not panic, but embarrassment when people I loved or respected did things I thought were in very bad taste, but I finally started realizing that my stake in How We As A Group Appear To Everyone Else was one that I had created, and that I can abandon. I now shrug it off, though I may roll my eyes privately with a few like-minded friends or relatives.
– Anonymous 2(END ITAL)
Yes, perspective, thanks.
Dear Carolyn: My friends and I have an ongoing discussion about how unsatisfying the vocabulary options are for relationships, especially as we get older. Girlfriend/boyfriend — I had a boyfriend in fourth grade and now that word seems pale. Special friend? Partner? LOV-AH? I would love some better descriptors.
I’ve heard this complaint since I started the column in 1997. I’ve come around to embrace “partner.” It says “significant other” without the oh-brother, and it says commitment without labeling the who or the how, which sounds just right to me.
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