Dear Abby: My birthday was last week and my boyfriend gave me $100 cash to spend on myself. I ended up spending the money on groceries for the both of us and on gas.
If my boyfriend asks what I used his gift for, should I tell him it was for groceries for us? I have asked my friends and they said different things, such as, tell him the truth, or something like “I’m saving it.”
If he asks, tell him the truth. The money was spent on things you needed — groceries for the both of you and gas. And if he finds fault with that — although I can’t imagine that he would — remind him that once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) pleases.
What I like about the first guy is that he’s funny, smart, looks good and we like the same things. I don’t know which to pick. Please help!
At 11, you don’t have to pick either one. Enjoy both for what they have to offer and, in time, you won’t have to ask anyone else to decide for you. In fact, you may even find a third someone who offers the same qualities you like in both of these boys in one package and who likes you back.
Dear Abby: I have been in a relationship for five years with my boyfriend, “Clay.” We live in separate houses. I have three children, ages 18, 17 and 12. My 18-year-old is away at college.
Clay never comes to my house. Every weekend, and sometimes during the week, I must pack my bags and those of my kids to go to Clay’s. This is hard for us. I have discussed it with him, but his answer is he’s “set in his ways.”
He expects me to drop everything at a moment’s notice to host parties for him or meet him for dinner with his co-workers. I have explained that a single mother cannot do this all the time.
I am tired and frustrated. I have stayed with Clay this long thinking that one day he’ll want more from this relationship. But it’s difficult enough taking care of one home without having to look after a second one.
Am I wasting my time? Should I move on? I feel he does love my kids and me. We have never argued, and he has never mistreated me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Why should Clay want more from a relationship that’s working just fine for him? He has all the perks and none of the responsibilities that come with marriage. When he snaps his fingers, you run, regardless of the stress on you and your children.
That when you have mentioned a compromise he tells you he is “set in his ways” should convey a strong message. It’s time to lay your cards on the table and tell Clay what YOU want and what YOU need from this relationship, so if he isn’t prepared to give it to you, you can make other plans.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.