When my girls were little and money was tight, I would take them to an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant in South Miami-Dade that became immediately regrettable after every trip. This establishment is remembered fondly in our family as the “all-you-can-squirt Chinese restaurant.” It wasn’t the food that kept us coming back – it was the horoscopes and Chinese zodiac signs on the menus that were always such a hit.
No matter how many times we went, we never grew tired of wondering at the wisdom of those animal signs. How did they know that just because I was born in ’65 I posses such snake-like traits as cattiness and mystery (not to mention my ability to distinguish herbs)?
The point is we all love to read about ourselves. We like to imagine that something out there knows us even better than we do.
After selling Girl Scout cookies in South Florida for the past two weeks (and more than five years), my daughters and I have become such people. We can predict a Thin Minter coming at us from a half-mile away. We can detect a Do-Si-Doer just by the way she sashays up to our Publix sales table.
Never miss a local story.
Bet you didn’t realize that the box of Tagalongs you bought yesterday was like a window into your soul, did you?
Based on our utterly subjective and unscientific observations, and in deference to this annual cookie-selling rite, we offer you this psychological breakdown on what your favorite Girl Scout cookie says about you.
You’re a traditionalist with a conservative bent. You danced a mental jig when high-waisted pants came back in style. You’re an early riser who gets more done in the first hour after dawn than most can accomplish in an entire day (especially those lazy, spoiled Samoa types). You probably knit and make a mean scrapbook.
You like to take short cuts (such as eating 10 of these instead of brushing your teeth to achieve minty, fresh breath). People admire your confidence and easygoing attitude. You are popular, but can be a little cold. You are also delusional if you think these cookies are less fattening than the others because they are thinner.
You are old-fashioned and a comfort to be around, like a vanilla candle burning in the window on a cold winter’s night. You are faithful to your friends. (You also stick to the roof of their mouths.) You are mature, thoughtful and reliable. You like to avoid conflict.
You have two sides: one dark and mysterious, the other sweet and silly. You never take yourself too seriously. You like to make people laugh. You are creative and passionate, and sometimes too sexy for your own good. You have been known to throw tantrums, but you can get away with it because of your ability to mock yourself.
You live by your own rules. You’re a bon vivant who thinks two sticks of butter can solve any of life’s problems. Never one to shy away from excess, people find you utterly irresistible (except when you play your music too loudly). You can charm your way out of any predicament.
You are a bit of a health nut and aim to please others with your efficiency and attention to detail. You tend to sugar-coat life to make it easier to swallow. You thrive on a tight deadline and are an excellent caregiver.
Lemon Chalet Cremes
You are playful and like practical jokes. You thrive on being challenged. Your tendency to be painfully honest can sometimes repel people. You are neat and organized, and judge others who are not. You can light up a room with your storytelling.
Thank You Berry Munch
You are open to trying different things. Your good judgment makes you an ideal problem-solver. Overall, you are healthy, but you tend to stress yourself out by being a perfectionist. You are a bit of a flirt.
If you believe any this, have I got a case of Girl Scout cookies to sell to you.