Because we all could use a fresh start, give your hubby the perfect gift this holiday season. Revirginize yourself.
Forget about new breasts and Botox, those are for plastic surgery wimps. I'm talking about serious crotch reconstruction, aka "designer vaginas." Hymenoplasty is a four- to six-hour procedure that reattaches a woman's hymen to make her appear to be a virgin again. Cost: $1,810 to $5,000.
"It's the ultimate gift for the man who has everything," one cosmetic surgery center owner told the Wall Street Journal.
You thought getting your pubic hairs yanked out with hot wax was a sacrifice? These women are not only tidying up the yard, they're closing the garage door.
The procedure has long been prevalent in the Middle East and Latin America, but it's now becoming popular with American women, who are always looking for creative, useless ways to spend a lot of money. The American Society of Plastic Surgeons says vaginal surgery is one of the industry's fastest-growing segments and it's being hawked without a blush.
One New York spa and cosmetic-surgery center has given away free surgeries on Spanish-language radio. A doctor in San Antonio advertises vaginal cosmetic surgery on billboards. A Connecticut doctor offers vaginal-makeover packages for patients that include airfare, limo travel and hotel accommodation. (No, I don't have his phone number.)
If you Google "hymenoplasty" and "Miami," 3,910 options pop up, including an Aventura doc who promises to bring you back to a "pre-sexual" state and a scholarly-sounding Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute in Wellington.
Some young brides turn to the procedure to make their future husbands think they're the first. (Apparently "I rode a bike a lot" or "I fell on the balance beam" doesn't work anymore.) Nobody seems to be worrying about the ethical conflict this creates in a marriage, although this vaguely sounds like selling a car after you've turned the odometer back.
Some patients say they are simply trying to improve their sex lives by combining hymen repair with an operation to tighten their vaginas. One patient did it to surprise her husband on a second-honeymoon cruise.
That's all good for a night, but I bet this woman didn't think about how she's going to top that one for their 50th wedding anniversary. Can you get that in gold?