When I was a kid up north, I would wake up early on snowy, winter mornings and stay in bed holding my breath as the radio DJ listed the school systems closing due to icy roads. Those joyful snow days were spent building forts and snowmen, sledding, plotting massive snowball fights and staying outside until my feet turned into numb stubs.
Florida kids really get ripped off. Sure, there's the initial excitement of missing school. But hurricane days mean you're cooped up inside with your entire family, and you don't even get the satisfaction of smashing your sister's face into a snow bank or slipping an icicle down your brother's back.
As a gesture of solidarity with stir crazy moms throughout South Florida, here's a rundown of how my tweeners and I occupied ourselves as the clock and Hurricane Isaac ticked by Sunday and Monday. This should make you feel better about yourselves.
· Dyed the tips of my 12-year-old's hair bright red with powdered Kool-Aid dissolved in boiling water = 12 minutes.
· Tried to translate Honey Boo-Boo Child videos on YouTube without looking at the subtitles = 17 minutes.
· Explained to the kids who Isaac from The Love Boat is and why his face kept appearing over maps of Florida on Internet memes = 13 minutes.
· Made Key Lime Whoopie Pies = 65 minutes.
· Ate Key Lime Whoopie Pies = 8 minutes.
· Subjected my children to old movies, including Shakespeare in Love and Dead Poets Society = 3 hours, 55 minutes.
· Discovered that using a flat iron on a Barbie doll makes her hair fall out and destroys the flat iron = 6 minutes.
· Organized kids' sock drawers while catching up on The Glee Project on Netflix = 2 hours, 33 minutes.
· Contemplated playing solo the drinking game a friend invented that requires a swig every time a TV newscaster uses the term "hunker down," but didn't want to waste 5* Barbancourt = 3 minutes.
· Created dance routine in front of mirrored wardrobe to 10cc's Dreadlock Holiday = 57 minutes.
· Charged all laptops in the house so we could continue watching movies on them one by one if the power went out = 55 minutes.
· Slashed old jeans into cut-offs and soaked them in bleach to create acid-washed shorts (for the 13-year-old, not me) = 3 hours, 16 minutes.
· Researched mass murders online in vain attempt to disprove friend's theory that only crazy white men go on mass killing sprees with semi-automatic weapons = 52 minutes.
· Ate a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos for dinner = 2 minutes.
· Tried to wash red Kool-Aid out of daughter's hair and freaked out after reading the dye can last from 10 weeks to three months = 23 minutes.