Nature or nurture? Now that I’m a mom, I give a lot more credit to nature. Before I had a kid I would have told you nurture was the defining factor. Please forgive me for once looking at another mom and thinking if I had her kid I’d be able to do better. Now I know if I had her
screaming crying temper tantrum throwing pain in the ass highly sensitive child, I'd probably be in prison.
Karma is getting me back anyway.
I always knew kids were preprogrammed despite my lack of child psychology credentials to say so (so don’t quote me!). My views are based on my past experiences with kids, mine and my sisters’ kids, and simply observing the children of friends. Plus, I was a kid and I was that kid who never went our on Friday or Saturday nights so I had an opportunity to watch many kids. I was a kid nothing like my mom or my dad. Or my sisters who share the same mom and dad.
Now I have my child. And I think I've raised her quite nicely. I try to teach her to appreciate books and art. I share with her my fondness for animals and nature and indoor activites that can be enjoyed with air conditioning. She replies, hahhahahaha mommy.
Some examples of how I know nature supersedes nurture:
My child is a stroller pusher
She just loooove babies. She loooooves princesses and pink. I don’t love babies or the princesses or the pink. I gave her trucks and cars. The trucks and cars have rarely been “driven”. They’ve been pushed around in a toy baby carriage far more often.
My child is a daredevil.
If she sees a slide she’ll go down in forward, then backward. And then she’ll try head first on her tummy, then head first on her back. And when that gets old – after the first time she tries it. She’ll try walking down the slide. When mommy stops her from doing she’ll give up on the slide completely and try a flip over the monkey bar. I am so glad the safety police took away the see saws and put in the rubber mats. Indeed some of us do need to be saved from ourselves. I, on the other hand, shy away from even the least thing that would cause pain or require exertion.
My child is emotionally in tune.
When another kid cries she is genuinely upset and intersted. if another child is left out, she will try to include them. She watches faces closely to see how people are feeling. If something excites her whether it is a happy baby or the happy ending of a movie she will waves her arms up and down. She first did this at 5 month old beelive it or not. I was in the Gap and holding up some shirts for her to "look at". I held up a plain one. No response. I held up a patterned one. Wave arms. Plain one. No respone. Patterned one. Response. it couldn't have been a coinscidence. You can't nurture that.
So I guess the key to nurturing a kid is actually getting to know them.
They are simply born the way they are, like it or not.
I've stopped blaming myself.