(A Partial List)
1. Suggest a date to Publix. This one night a week I go out, I’d like to spend time with you. Isn’t being together the most important thing? Let’s not waste it on a movie.
2. Don’t be upset when I do a background check on you. I do need to see your driver’s license, passport, SS number, 6 months of phone bills, and 4 references, and I don’t think it is a little too much. These days you can’t be too safe. If you have any hope of being the daddy figure around us, you’d better learn these safety precautions and how to work that epi-pen. I took your water glass to the DNA testers.
3. Flowers. Who wants flowers? You really want to win my heart with $70, gift me a certificate to a month’s worth of toddler ballet classes.
4. If we go back to your place to watch a movie, don’t expect me to make it to the end of the movie. If I fall asleep, it means I’m comfortable. And tired. We’re together, right? That’s what counts.
5. Don’t be jealous. When it comes to my male friends with benefits, the benefits are going to be that they can rewire the electrics and fix the house.
6. Don’t unload all your baggage on me. I don’t need another person to take care of, not emotionally and definitely not financially. Especially if you’re over 40, you’ve got to get it together yourself.
7. Make the date decisions. I work and then I come home and take care of my child who had an unnatural ability to stay up until my bedtime. Then I have everything else I need to catch up on from bills to emails. I’m not lounging around perusing the “Where to Eat Out without a Children's Menu” or “Things to Do that Have Nothing to Do with Dora or Disney” sections. I’m getting the paper for the coupons. When you ask me where I want to go I see that as just another thing I’m going to have to take care of. I am able to take care of it. I just don’t want to. What’s wrong with you that you couldn’t do it?
8. Pay for the babysitter. I don’t expect you to but it sure would be nice.
9. Make my life easier. Ask what you can do to help. Be proactive and find ways to be helpful. Don’t point out that my car can use a wash. I’m not blind. I have a toddler. And learn some skills you can use to help. I’d love a man who can knit. Though I’d settle for one who can cook or organize a sock drawer.
10. The Ultimate Symbol of Commitment: It’s not a diamond, but a car seat. In your car.
And have a great start of the school year moms and dads! We start next week!