It's way after midnight and I'm finally tired of looking for Black Friday deals. I think I finally exhausted all the new news about them today. I'm planning my strategy and checking it thrice. I don’t really need a $3 toast warmer from Target, but it’s only $3! I HAVE to get a toaster for $3.
My strategy is I'll be drawing maps of the stores and willing myself to go, but then I'll wimp out. I will envy those who can run faster than I and who don't mind being crushed in a mass of shopping humanity. I'm feeling insecure that I won't be among the strongest and the fastest. I'll have to settle for the $4 towel reduced from $7 on No Color Saturday of the Week After and not the $200 TV marked down from $700. Nope that will go to the fastest and the ones willing to gouge out the eyes of friends and strangers. But I'm the fox looking at the out of reach grapes and saying they're probably sour. I didn't want that TV anyway.
I'm sure I wouldn't even be able to carry the TV if I were to actually reach the only four discounted TVs they'll actually have on the shelves. And then there's the need to get in line at midnight for the 4am store openings. Who am I kidding. I need to take my daughter to ballet at 8:45 the next morning.
People have actually died over Cabbage Patch Kids. Sure it's hard to believe now in the days of Cabbage Patch plenty, but not for those who witnessed The Black Friday Cabbage Patch Stampede of '86. I refuse to have my epitath have the words "Pillow Pet" in it.
My t-shirt from last year: "I spent 3 hours on line and all I got was a Zsu-Zsu hamster which was only appreciated by the cat"
Perhaps my MUST HAVE item will show up somewhere.