Ne-Yo, R&B's new heartthrob, comes down from his room at the South Beach Gansevoort Hotel, and although he has never met you, he pulls you into a warm kiss and a hug.

The man who is proud to have been raised by a houseful of women is proud to be in touch with his softer side. Kicking back in the lobby on a quiet weekday -- John Legend comes over to say hey, but otherwise there aren't too many guests milling about -- Ne-Yo speaks in a silky tone, offers serious eye contact, touches your shoulder or knee for emphasis.

He may be just 28 and burning up today's charts as a singer and songwriter (among his writing credits are Beyonce's hit Irreplaceable and Rihanna's Unfaithful and Take a Bow), but his manner is from an earlier time.

You won't catch the man born Shaffer Chimere Smith wearing slouchy jeans or calling women any of those charming hip-hop terms. Nobody's a b - - - - or a ho in his book. There are simply women who are ladies. And women who are not. He not only writes positive lyrics about women for himself, but he also has given songs that put women first to Beyoncé and Rihanna.

His third album, Year of the Gentleman, released in September, is an ode to Frank, Sammy, Dean and that whole Rat Pack era, when a man was a man and didn't whine about putting on a proper suit for a night on the town.

''Back then, guys wore suits and looked clean and kempt,'' says Ne-Yo, who was in town for a Hennessy Artistry concert series stop. ``I'm not saying we need to go back to wearing suits all day, but we do need to go back to the essence of that, to what it means to be a gentleman. It's having that kind of self-respect that makes you get up in the morning and iron your T-shirt before you put it on.''

In black slacks and form-fitting, striped shirt and knit newsboy, he's looking smooth enough to be in a modern Slick-Dogs Pack. His mom Lorraine taught him how to look pressed and together at an early age.

''In the beginning, my sister ironed for me, but after a while my mother made her stop,'' he says. 'She didn't want my sister to feel that it had to be her role. Her message to my sister was, `When you find your husband, if you want to do that for him, that's all fine and good. But that's not your obligation.' ''

Ne-Yo got the message about gender fairness, too. ''There's something about the kind of woman who can do for herself,'' he sings in Miss Independent on the new album.

''If I'm in a relationship with a woman, and it doesn't work out, and we wind up going separate ways, I want to know she's still OK,'' says Ne-Yo, who was born in Arkansas and grew up in Las Vegas. His father, a truck driver, was mostly absent. His mother worked every casino job imaginable, from blackjack dealer to cocktail waitress to money runner to janitor.

''There is nothing greater than a strong woman who is not afraid to go out there and get her own,'' he says.

Does that mean he runs into a lot of gold-diggers?

``You have no idea. If I meet 10 women, eight of them are that. Some of them are very open with it. I can't fault them for their boldness. Boldness is a quality I enjoy, too. But the woman that's waiting for me to save her life, that's not the woman for me. Kill the dragon your own damn self, and when a man comes along who will truly complement you, you'll be able to see that.''

THE REAL PROS

Ne-Yo admires the Rat Pack guys' polish, but he idolizes their professionalism.

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