Susie Essman has cursing down to a science.

The Los Angeles Times puts it more nicely -- calling her character Susie Green on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm ``the most lyrical purveyor of profanity on television.''

The New York-born actress-comedian, 54, was in town recently to promote her book What Would Susie Say?: Bulls**t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy (Simon & Schuster, $25) and you can bet she didn't keep it too clean. Some PG-rated excerpts from our chat:

What's the book about?

``I just spewed my whole life -- it's about getting married, having teenage stepchildren, about germs -- I have a whole chapter about Purell-ing everywhere I go. It's about menopause; it's about starting in stand-up. There's something for everyone.''

Is it all laughs?

``There's a lot of stuff that's serious. How I got closer with my father by learning to love sports and how his death coincided with 9/11 and the Yankees going to the World Series. But most of it is really funny.''

What's it like working with [Curb creator] Larry David?

``Working with Larry is one of the great joys of my life. He gives me such funny stuff to do.''

Is it true the show is totally improv-ed?

``Yes, we have no script -- just a detailed outline. So all that filth that comes out of my mouth, I'm responsible for.''

What was it like seeing the Seinfeld cast return?

``Seeing them all together is a little freaky, a little surreal.''

Is the Curb cast close?

``We are like a family. We've been together for seven seasons and we're all really good friends. Which is why I think we can actually speak to each other in such a despicable way.''

-- MADELEINE MARR