RYAN SEACREST: The radio/TV personality got a restraining order against a male stalker who came to his office with a knife. Who knew Adam Lambert was such a sore loser?

JESSICA SIMPSON: The singer called Melrose Place ``crap'' after the show fired her sister Ashlee. This, coming from someone who starred in Employee of the Month.

BRAD PITT: The hunk stepped out with beads in his goatee. Please tell us this doesn't mean a sequel to Seven Years in Tibet.

KIM KARDASHIAN: The middle sis went a few boxing rounds for charity. Her plastic surgeon was ringside in case his masterpiece was damaged.

SESAME STREET: The iconic kids' program turned the big 4-0. The doctor told the Cookie Monster to start cutting back on his sugar.

CARRIE PREJEAN: The former Miss California is said to be the latest to have a secret sex tape. We kinda doubt it featured a gay couple.

ANDRE AGASSI: The former tennis star copped to using crystal meth in his new autobiography, Open. He thought it would help him grow hair.

FAME: Heidi and Spencer Pratt have written a book, How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture. Is a punch line really necessary?

FAMILIES: Michael Lohan wants daughter Lindsay to go to rehab. She just wants him to go away. We concur on both.

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