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VELVET UNDERGROUND

Finding a good time in these hard times

lank@aol.com

In turbulent times, there's nothing better than going out with reckless abandon -- that is, if you still have the cash to do so. Some people here still do and those who don't pretend they do, so greetings from Miami, wish you were here!

For a more sensible option -- that is, a free one -- consider The Fertile Earth Foundation's screening of the feature film One Water at Water, Water Everywhere, at The Raleigh from 7-10 p.m. Saturday. An eco-chic bikini fashion show with eco-friendly cocktails by Veev will take place from 7-8 p.m. RSVP to FertileEarthFoundation@gmail.com. Another freebie on Saturday is local production company Birch Creek Film's advance screening of the new comedy feature If I Were Dictator at the Westin Colonnade Hotel, 180 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables. Screening starts at 7 p.m. and there will also be prize giveaways for those who don't like to walk away from free events empty-handed. For more info on the movie, in which a man invents a device that allows him to rule the world, go to www.dictatormovie.com.

Meanwhile, don't let others dictate where you go to blow off steam. Contrary to popular belief, some people actually like leaving the 305 for a night out -- especially when they want to go nuts and not be recognized. On the radar in Hollywood is Club Premier, 2520 Miami Rd., a new venue offering three rooms and several themed nights, including Friday's reggae party, Saturday's open-format dance party and Thursday's retro '70s and '80s party -- a format we always get lots of questions about but unfortunately seem to be few and far between in our house and hip-hop saturated nocturnal playground. For the curious, check out www.clubpremier.net.

While you're in the 954, consider trying to squeeze yourself into the original Taverna Opa, 410 N. Ocean Dr., Hollywood, Friday night for the restaurant's 10-year anniversary bacchanal. Starting at 7 p.m., the celebration will be full of ouzo, entertainment, food, drinks and, we're sure, lots of plate smashing and napkin hurling. A $40 ''VIP Menu'' includes a four-course dinner, open bar and gift bags. The waterfront restaurant will also be temporarily transformed into a Greek temple, featuring performers whom we hope don't consider Caligula as their inspiration. If you can't make this event, consider the restaurant's $25 menu that includes two drinks or two glasses of wine per couple through the month of September. Opa!

Back in Miami and sort of near the area called Park West -- the one that's being developed into a Columbus Circle slash Lincoln Road slash Champs Elysses (how does one say ''major stretch'' en Francais?), is Circa 28, which has teamed up with Shock Entertainment for a live performance by Grammy Award winning Puerto Rican band Black: Guyaba, which will close its nationwide tour Friday night in Circa's speakeasy-esque upstairs space beginning at midnight. Cover is $10.

Although some people consider cover charges to be nightmares, consider a real one, as in Nightmare: Ghost Stories, a haunted house that hails from the Lower East Side in Manhattan, running at SoHo Studios, 2136 NW First Ave. in Wynwood, until Nov. 2. Tickets, $25 in advance, $30 at the door or $45 VIP express entry, are sold in half-hour intervals with groups of no more than 10 patrons entering the house at a time. Best of all, it's a three-event attraction ''that is so steeped in horror that only the full outdoor bar and lounge can calm the nerves and steady the spirits of even the more fearless visitors.'' Did somebody say bar? For tickets, go to www.nightmaremiami.com.

Also pretty macabre is the name of the new lounge at Grass -- The King Is Dead, which celebrates its official, grand coronation with house music movement Aquabooty at 10 p.m. Friday with DJs Dixon and DHM. General admission tix are $13.50 at www.aquabooty.com.

Despite the fact that a lot of things have kicked the bucket lately -- Lehman Brothers, Pat O'Brien's career, your 401(k), among other things -- we can think of no better time to just kick it up than right about now. The only thing misery loves more than company is a free drink or two.

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