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VELVET UNDERGROUND

The Irish are coming, the Irish are coming

lank@aol.com

Could Miami be in the throes of an Irish invasion? With a slew of new pubs hitting the scene, we sense that it is. First, there's Brickell Irish Pub, 1471 S. Miami Ave., where, to no one's surprise, beer and billiards are the theme, though the bar advertises future special DJ and karaoke nights. Coming soon to the condo on Southwest First Court and Seventh Street: a second branch of South Beach's Waxy O'Connor's Irish Pub and Eatery, featuring a monstrous 7,000-square foot space with riverside dining, raw bar, boat slips and a live music stage that the press release describes as equal parts Irish pub and Key West cantina. An odd mix indeed. There will be 16 beers on tap, 20 bottles and a wide range of whiskeys and single malt Scotches. Best of all, weekdays will feature a $5 happy hour featuring premium stuff from 4-7 p.m.

And let us not forget the originals: JohnMartin's in Coral Gables, the Playwright on South Beach, Clarke's in South of Fifth, and, the most Americanized, Finnegan's on the beach and Miami River. We knew Miami could salsa, but who knew the city could also get jig-gy as well?

Not at all Irish but perhaps a place you'd see Bono from U2 if he's feeling fancy, Mr. Chow at the W South Beach is officially open, and we hope that the celebrity-saturated spot can one day coexist peacefully with its neighbor, that other celebrity-saturated Chinese spot Philippe. The rivalry is getting really nasty and at times frankly ridiculous. Of course, you can never have too many expensive Chinese restaurants within a few miles of each other. Just ask the highest-end spot of them all: Hakkasan at the Fontainebleau, which has joined the Miami Spice program and offers $35 dinners. Also on Miami Spice's list are a slew of other hot spots such as the newly reopened Kobe Club, BLT Steak, Sra. Martinez, Bourbon Steak and Meat Market. For participating restaurants, go to www.ilovemiamispice.com, but do so before Sept. 30, when the deals end.

More than palpable is the chill at the Hotel Victor's übercool new weekly cocktail party, Frost Bite Thursdays, in which bartenders will make Tom Cruise circa Cocktail look like a bumbling amateur as they display their keen knowledge of nuclear mixology. They will drop the temperature of alcohol to -114 degrees Celsius (that would be its freezing point) to create dramatic cocktails that won't only get you tipsy but also will give you brain freeze. Two for the price of one! This is serious swilling, though. According to a press release, ``By employing liquid nitrogen the hotel's resident mixologists fashion visually stunning and equally tasty liquid cuisine that promises to make traditional cosmos and martinis appear passé in comparison. . . .'' And the booze won't be the only cold element. At 8 p.m. the lobby's temperature will drop below 60 degrees, so put away the skimpy, barely-there summer duds and whip out the winter wardrobe, if only for one night (and one lobby) a week. Finally, Miamians have a legit excuse to wear ski caps, scarves and coats without looking lost.

The unattached remain attached to Fridays at Fame, 30 NE 11th St., where drinking games, keg stands and funnels allow 20-, 30- and -- gasp! -- 40-somethings to regress to their frat boy/sorority girl ways. You don't seek out Fame in search of love.

It's all about good fun, especially when security guards break out in some sort of performance to compete with the aerial artists, fire dancers and assorted carnival-esque distractions.

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